We are a secret
by Paperball
Summary: A Jori fanfic. "Why do you hate me?" I ask with a concerned expression, both my eyebrows pressed together. "Why don't you hate me back?" Jade answers with a tone that makes it sound like it is obvious that I should hate her. But I don't hate her, I think to myself before I answer.
1. Chapter 1 - Setback

**We are a secret **

**A/N:** The thing is that I am now deep down in the big black hole called Jori. I am so deeply rapt that I am closed to obsessed. So I want to share a beginning of a storyline I have held inside of me for quite some time.

**Rating:** T for now, but I think that I can promise that it will change so be warned ;)

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**Chapter One**

**_[Jade]_**

"Be quiet, both of you!"

"But I-!" I raise my tone to begin another exposition of what have happened and I throw my hand towards Tori who sit in the sofa right in front of me with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Jade!" Lane cuts me off as he places a straight index finger over his lips. "Shhh…" He moves out to the edge of his chair and places both his elbows on his knees to lean forward. "You know what Jade, trying to kill someone is… not good. It is actually illegal." He says with a soothing and calm voice. But his voice have the opposite effect of what I think it was meant for, it makes me even more irritated.

"But I didn't try to kill her!" I yell out in protest.

I see from the corner of my eyes how Tori rolls her eyes and flings out with her arms "Oh c'mon, you threw a pair of scissors at me!" she yells back.

"They weren't my killing scissors! They aren't even sharp!" I try to defend myself while I demonstratively wave with my scissors in front of me. Because they aren't sharp at all, I had only used my old ones and they are blunt as fuck. I think I got them when I was nine.

"Sharp enough to get stuck in my handbag! And they made a hole!"

"But I-!"

But I don't even get the time to finish my sentence before Lane cuts me off again by throwing out his arms to his sides. Without giving me a second to react, his hand snaps my scissors right out of my grasp. "Silence!" Then he changes his tone quickly to his, normal, calm tone (at least I think it is his normal tone of voice because he almost always uses it) "Why did you throw a pair of scissors at Tori?"

"Yeah, why?" Tori interjects, but Lane gives her a look and she sinks back into the sofa.

I smirk a bit to myself when she gets a reprimand. Then I look at Lane "She looked at Beck." I answer with a factual tone.

"But we were working on our project for English class!" Tori articulates as if she thinks I am completely dumb.

"Yeah, sure." I roll my eyes and wave with one hand in the air as if I can wave away her stupidity and complete ignorance to what she has done.

I watch as Tori opens her mouth to say something, probably something stupid to defend herself. The thing is that I know that they were working on a project and that I had been stupid, but I just like to give Tori hell. And I would never say sorry to her for throwing a pair of scissors at her for looking at Beck, because he is mine after all. He is my property.

"Stop it!" Lane begins to sound more and more annoyed with us.

I tilt my head back and open my mouth to let out something between a sigh and a growl before I sink back into the hanging wicker chair. I cross my arms and my legs and stare at Tori with a gaze that can kill. I know that it can kill (well, not literally) because it is my favorite way of looking at people, it always scares the shit out of them. I lift the corner of my mouth into a crooked smirk as I see how Tori looks at me at regular intervals with fear in her eyes. My smirk grows as I see how she begins to rotate uncomfortably in the corner of the sofa.

"Lane…?" Tori asks with an unsure voice. By now she sits with both hands on the edge of the sofa and she barely even touches the seat, it looks as if she is ready to run away at any second.

I move a quick eye to Lane who sits in his chair with his elbows on his knees and his head leaning on his fist. He has a deep crease in his forehead between both his eyebrows, he thinks, and to my relief it looks as if he has no intention of answering Tori. So I am free to stare her down.

After a few more seconds, with an uncomfortable and rotating Tori, Lane points a finger at me. "Detention two weeks"

"Ha!" I hear how Tori triumphs. But I don't look at her, I just stare in front of me, acting like I don't give a shit.

"And Tori, detention three days."

Those words on the other hand make me look up with a smirk that warms my whole body. "Ha" I triumph back at Tori, who looks with a shocked expression at Lane.

Lane sighs "You know what, throwing them back is just as dangerous as throwing them first." He says and tries to explain his decision. Lane clasps his hands between his knees and look at Tori.

I nod in agreement and triumph (most triumph) "Throwing is throwing" I say with a slight laughter.

"Please can I go now?" Tori pleads.

As soon as Lane gives her a nod she flies out of the sofa and rushes towards the door. I look at her graceful way of sliding through the doorway and disappear. I smirk to myself as I fling my bag over my shoulder and stroll out of the room. I feel pretty pleased with myself. I have succeeded at giving Tori detention as well as I have gotten the chance of freaking her out, which have always been a pleasure of mine.

I walk towards my locker and find that Beck is standing there. I'm not sure if I want to speak to him right now. So I stop a few yards before I reach him. He stands leaned against my locker, watching every student passing the corridor. I watch him as he drags his hand through his luscious, thick, brown hair.

I hear beside me how a pair of girls giggles so I cast a deadly glance at them. They are freshmen and I have learned how to deal with girls who eye my boyfriend with desire. He is a girl magnet so this isn't unusual. With crossed arms, I take a threatening step towards the two girls. They stop giggling abruptly and look up at me (they are very short, or maybe it is me being very tall…) with slight fear in their eyes, thankfully I have scared them enough because they turn on their heels and walk away.

I slightly tilt my head back a bit, with proud, and turn around to see that Beck has noticed me. He leaves his spot by the lockers and comes towards me. He has his head a bit tilted forward so he looks at me from below. His gaze makes me feel safe and calm as always. When he reaches me he embraces me in a tight hug. I drag in the scent of him, his perfume and his leather jacket. He is my best friend and the only one I have ever loved.

"Stop scaring people, especially freshmen." He says and raises both his eyebrows as he smiles at me.

"I don't scare them." I say, playing offended.

"Yes, and you threw a pair of scissors at Tori." He looks at me with his adult 'I know better than you' expression.

I frown. That was the reason I didn't want to speak to him. I knew that he had to bring up the subject of Tori and the little, very not special, incident. "But she looked at you." I explain myself raising my tone.

"We were working on a school project Jade."

I look at him as he rolls his eyes. I don't continue to argue, just because it is him. If it would have been someone else I had probably killed them… or worse.

"So what happened, what did Lane say, detention?" Beck continues with his arms still wrapped around my waist.

I cross my arms between us and grunt "Two weeks."

"That's not too bad." He smiles and says it as if it is nothing unusual. And he is right of course. I have gotten far worse punishment. And this is one of the reasons why I love Beck. He doesn't care about what I do. He doesn't even care about who my victim is. Well okay, he cares. But at least he doesn't act as if it is the end of the world. He understands me… most of the time.

"Tori got detention too." I smirk.

"Just don't try to kill her okay. I have to get to class." Beck gives me a quick kiss on my smirk before he lets go of me.

As he leaves me standing in the corridor the words he just said slowly sink in. Fuck! He had been right… I must spend detention with Tori for the rest of this week! I think spending time with Tori the length of a school day is bad enough. And now, having to spend detention with her as well will be just like torture. And at detention I won't have Beck.

I feel the bitter aftertaste of my failure fill me as I walk to my locker and yank it open. I throw my bag inside with a frustrated sound and slam the locker shut. As I turn around to walk to class I see Tori walking through the corridor past me, towards her lesson I guess. She looks at me swiftly but I just shake my head with a deep sigh and ignore her. The heels of my boots click against the floor as I walk towards class.

"Jade!"

The sound of Tori's voice stops me in my tracks. I don't feel like speaking to her, I never do. The thought of seeing her in detention for the rest of the week makes me shiver out of sheer unpleasantness. I continue to stand turned away from the sound of her voice.

"Jade?" She says my name again, but this time as a question. I'm not sure if she wants me to answer or if she just wants my attention.

"What." I say sternly as I turn around facing her. She smiles at me, which is quite unexpected since I just tried to kill her and is the reason she just got detention… "I'm not gonna say sorry, if that is what you want." I add just to make sure she's not going to begin begging me to give her an excuse.

"No I wasn't going to…" Judging by her facial expression she's lying. She's a good actress but this wasn't good enough to fool me. She looks overly surprised and shakes her head vigorously. But even if she is a good actress in general I will never give her a compliment about it, not about anything else either for that matter.

I look at her while she struggles to find something else to say, her eyes moving desperately around in their sockets as she thinks. "…See you in detention." She presses her lips together to a thin line to give me an uncomfortable smile with raised eyebrows before she spins around and disappears behind a corner.

"I'm not looking forward to it!" I spit out to her back.

I turn around and resume my walk towards class. No, I am not looking forward to it. I just hope that she will seat herself in the opposite corner to me, the chair to the right when you just entered the detention room. I always sit in the left corner right at the back when I am in detention, which is now and then. I don't mind really. In detention I have no expectations on me, no need to talk to anyone and time to think and play with my scissors. I know that you are supposed to do undone schoolwork there. At least that is what the fucking teacher in charge over detention says all the time. But he only mentioned it to me once, when I played with my scissors the first time I got detention two years ago. After some simple threatening he never mentioned again. It was the same teacher almost every time at detentions.

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**A/N:** I think this story has got the potential to grow into a long one ;)

Reviews are very much appreciated. I want to know what you think since this is my first Jori story.


	2. Chapter 2 - Hate Me Not

**Chapter Two**

**_[Tori]_**

My hand holds a tight grip around the straps of my handbag as I walk towards the detention classroom, which is basically the library. I am a bit scared about sitting in detention with Jade. I know that she is going to kill me if she gets the chance to do so. It isn't the first time I get detention, but it is the second time. First time it was only me, Jade, Beck, Cat, Andre and Robbie in detention. We had gotten detention because Robbie had choked on a pretzel and made us all late for class, actually I was supposed to get five more Saturday detentions but they somehow got forgotten. I didn't mind that, in fact I had gotten relieved. But that time in detention hadn't been that bad. It hadn't been scary at all because they are all my best friends. Well everyone except Jade. I want to be friends with her don't get me wrong, but she is the one that seems to have something against me.

I enter the room and look around, my eyes land on Jade who sits in the corner furthest at the back. She sits with her legs lying on the chair beside her and in her hands she holds a pair of scissors. To be honest that doesn't come as a surprise. Jade stops fiddling with her scissors and looks up and meet my gaze. She takes her hand and curls a lock of hair behind her ear before she gives me a smirk and a lifted pierced eyebrow.

I am not sure whether it is meant to be a friendly smirk or an 'I was expecting you, now I will kill you' smirk. But because it is Jade I don't want to take any risks, so I place myself on a chair in the front to the right. I look over my left shoulder to find that Jade has returned to playing with her scissors. She weighs them between her hands and makes cuts in the air and she watches with a look that tells me that she enjoys herself. I find myself getting distracted by the scissors and jump at the sound of a man clearing his throat.

I look in front of me and see a long man with black, short hair. It is the vice principal, Dickers. He has a habit of yelling at students…

"Good afternoon waz bags!" He shouts out over the library. And I widen my eyes and press my lips together as I nod to myself because my memories of Dickers just got confirmed. This time I'm not going to say a word because I'm not going to risk to get any more detention, detention the whole week out is bad enough. And if I remember correctly from last year Dickers is very good at handing out detentions…

"You pathetic losers are here because you are incompetent and useless!" Dickers shouts out as he eyes the library. Something he sees creates a crease in his forehead as both his eyebrows almost meet in the middle of his eyes pointing slightly downwards. "Where are James, Oliver and Finn?!" He asks with a loud voice after a few seconds of frowning. I decide that answering is a bad idea so I stay silent.

His gaze shifts between me and Jade. I wonder if he is waiting for an answer… I carefully look back over my shoulder to see if Jade is paying any attention to Dickers. But she is still playing with her scissors, not paying Dickers any attention what so ever. "They will get Saturday detention, all of them!" Dickers exclaims as he walks out of the library with heavy steps.

As me and Jade gets alone in the library I become scared. I still have the feeling that Jade is going to kill me or something… I sit stiffly on the chair and focus on a spot in front of me to make sure that, if Jade is standing behind me ready to stab me with her scissors, I won't see it. But when nothing happens for several minutes I decide that the worse danger is over.

As I sit in silence and hear the snap of Jade's scissors my thoughts wonder off to Jade. Why does she hate me? That question has been in the back of my mind ever since I started at Hollywood Arts and Jade poured coffee over me. She seems so harsh and I wonder if she actually has a soft side to her? Well yes she has, I remind myself as I remember how she usually are with Beck. She is still harsh towards him, but there is something more… something close to love. Well, I know that Jade loves Beck because she had come crashing down at my house crying our pillows black with mascara when she had broken up with him. It was just that Jade had a bit of a weird way of showing her love… None the less, she is very interesting. I wonder what lies buried inside her…

I sneak my gaze back towards her. I watch her with her satisfied smile over her lips. And I decide that the only way I am going to get my questions answered is by asking. So I grab my bag and carefully approach Jade with small steps.

"What do you want Vega?" Jade snaps at me the same time as she clips with her scissors. She doesn't even look at me. But she looks annoyed by my presence, because she sighs and rolls her eyes.

I feel how fear builds up inside of me again. But I try to remember that Jade still is my friend, even if I'm not hers. Am I going to let Jade West scare me? NO! I am going to stick with my conviction that Jade has got a heart, even if it is hard to believe that at times.

Determent I bend over Jades feet and push them off the chair and seat myself down beside her.

As cheerfully as I can I twitter as I tilt my head to the side and look at Jade with as big puppy eyes as I can manage "What, you don't want to talk to me?"

Jade's whole upper part of her face lifts upwards. Even her upper lip follows the motion and she looks at me with an offended look "Eh, excuse me. What do you think that you're doing?"

"I just want to talk to-"

I don't get to say anything more before both Jade's feet push me with ease off the chair. I land on the side on the carpet covered floor. I know that Jade is a superior 'kick people off chairs' person because she has done it to me plenty of times. I won't be surprised if I, by now, have got a red mark of her boot on my side. I gently rub my side that just got a push as I seat myself up on the floor.

"Hm" I hear how Jade lets out with a laugh and I look up at her. She smiles with one corner of her mouth which makes it more look like a smirk than anything. I sigh in frustration as I get up from the floor.

I'm not going to let Jade win this time. All I want is an answer to a question that has bugged me forever! So I lift up her feet again and seat myself underneath her legs so that her legs get to lie in my lap. But as soon as Jades legs touch my thighs they fly off and down onto the floor and the swinging motion makes Jade lean forward.

"What the fuck do you think that you are doing?!" She nearly screams at me, her eyes piercing into mine.

"I just want to ask a question." I say as I hold my hands up to the sides as if she told me to do so or she'll shoot.

Jade wrinkles her nose and eyes me from top to toe. She puts her scissors on the bench beside her, which calms me down significantly, before she leans back on her chair and crosses her legs and arms at the same time. "Go ahead then." She says stiffly. She blinks at me with a bored face and nods for me to ask my question.

"Why do you hate me?" I ask with a concerned expression, both my eyebrows pressed together.

"Why don't you hate me back?" Jade answers with a tone that makes it sound like it is obvious that I should hate her. But I don't hate her, I think to myself before I answer.

"Why should I?" My answer makes Jade widen her eyes and press her chin down so that she looks at me from below with raised eyebrows.

"You ask me why you should hate me?!" Jade laughs slightly with an exhale.

"Yeah… I guess so."

"Because I'm always mean to you." Jade makes a nod as she exclaims her fact.

I think about it for a while. Yes, she has a point. She is rarely nice to me… and somehow everything she does is without a reason. But even though she is mostly harsh we have still had our moments. She has actually shown me that she can be nice to me. Like that time she showed up to help me clean the auditorium after a food fight my first year, or when she turns up at my house unexpected because she needs help. Those times she claims that it is because she doesn't want anyone cool to see her broken, but I take it as if she trusts me. But that still doesn't explain why she is mean to me when she is. I look at her, still smirking at me, and remember that she still hasn't answered my question.

"I agree that you could be nicer towards me." I see how Jade rolls her eyes at my statement. "But why are you so mean to me? Why do you hate me?"

"Why don't you hate me back?"

I frown and sigh at the fact that Jade just asked the same question twice, without answering mine first. "Gosh, Jade. Just answer my question!"

I look at her as she sits quiet for a few seconds. I wonder if she doesn't want to answer or if she doesn't know what to answer. Then she smirks and offers one raised eyebrow. "Because it's fun" To be honest, I don't really know what to answer to something like that. She just announced that she likes to torture me because it is _fun (?). _I look at her as her expression changes from a smirk to a factual one. "You know that if you hated me back then I wouldn't be so mean to you? The only reason I'm mean to you is because you give me the chance by trying to befriend me all the time."

I turn towards the table as I think, about what Jade just said, for a few seconds. She has yet another point. I always try my best to befriend her. Now, when I think about it, it strikes me how incredibly insane it sounds. That I'm constantly being nice to someone that always gives me back with her fists.

But something more dawns on me as my thoughts wander off. I remember the feeling I get every time Jade is the least bit nice to me, like how she gives me a hug after a bit of persuasion when I have done her a favor. Every time she is somewhat nice to me I feel so happy, like I have accomplished something and my price is one minute of a nice Jade…

"Why do you do it?" Jades stiff voice brings me back to the presence and I turn my head to the side to look at her.

I answer with the easiest (and only) answer I can think of "Because I want to be your friend."

Her chest bounces up when she lets out a contemptuous laugh from deep within between closed lips. "I know"

"… and I am, right? Your friend…?" I ask as I remember the time when she referred to me as her friend when she gave me the opening number on the Platinum Music Award after I had been deprived of it because I didn't want to act like a total bitch just to get attention and a tough, superstar image. Well, she didn't literally call me her friend, but I think I knew what she really meant. It's just that she is Jade so she isn't that good with expressing feelings.

"Sure, if you say so Vega." What she does next surprises me to a level that my eyebrows shoot upwards and I can almost feel how they lift of my face. Because Jade smiles. It's not a smirk, but a smile that somehow feels real. Her smile is beautiful and it makes me smile. It makes her look soft and more human. Not that I have never seen Jade smile or something like that, it's just that she smiled at the same time as she agreed on the fact that we are friends. "You try so hard anyways." She continues.

She does it again. She reminds me of why I even try so hard at becoming her friend. Every time I make progress I feel so special because it is Jade, the girl you're not supposed to get something nice out of.

"I do it because I know that you are a nice person." I chirp with a wide smile.

Jade's response is to frown followed by a pair off rolled shoulders in a light shrug.

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**A/N: **I received a comment saying that the first chapter doesn't indicate that this is supposed to be a Jori story… But *frustrated sound*, it was only the first chapter. I will get there, trust me. Kiss and hugs from me.

And thanks for the response on the first chapter. It's so much nicer to write if you know that someone actually reads it.


	3. Chapter 3 - Sweet Songbirds

**Chapter Three**

**_[Jade]_**

"I don't get how you can be so nice all the time… It makes me sick." I spit out the last part because I felt how I got grossed out by just saying the word 'nice'.

To let the truth be told, I am actually impressed by Tori. She if someone is a saint with a temper, or something similar to that. She can scream and she isn't afraid of me, which is a feat of its own. There are only two other persons in this entire world that aren't afraid of me, at least not constantly. And those two are Cat and Beck. But even if Tori has guts she certainly has something I don't have, and that is kindness and care for others feelings. She helped me get Beck back when I had dumped him, even if she sort of liked him too (I'm not really sure about that part though). And she helped me to find a sponsor for my play. And she did those things even though I've never done her a favor.

"You should try it sometime. You will notice how great you feel when you have made someone else happy." Tori gives me a faint smile.

Her words make me think. Have I actually never felt the satisfaction from making someone else happy? I guess not. I know what is right and what is wrong, but I have never experienced happiness from making someone else happy. The only time I get happy, from doing something towards someone, is from morose delectation. I'm not sure that counts though.

"How does it feel? You know, joy from others' joy?" I ask serious. The question seems unexpected because Tori looks at me with big eyes. But then she smiles at me. I know I'm not supposed to ask a question like this, I'm Jade. But inside I want to be nice, but it is hard for me after I built myself in behind my own walls. I feel safe behind my façade and even if I am tough I am also very scared to let my walls come down. But no one will ever know what happens inside of these walls. I look around the library as I think the thought. So why not take the opportunity to actually find out what happens inside a saint's brain.

She seems to think about it for a few seconds before she shrugs her shoulders at the same time as she answers "Good… I guess."

I move slightly forward. So now I sit slightly leaned forward, still with crossed legs and arms. I look at Tori who sits turned towards the table but she faces me. I open my mouth to say something but get interrupted by the library door opening with a great swing. I quickly turn my attention towards the entrance to the library and from the corner of my eyes I can see Tori do the same.

Through the door three guys appear. One of them is tall and very muscular, with blonde hair. The other one is also tall but is a bit bigger in size, with brown hair. The last boy is shorter than the other two (probably as short as cat, if someone would have measured) and he is also muscular, with brown hair. The thing they all have in common is that they walk inside with heavy steps and they wear leather jackets and caps and chains on their pants. They are seniors, just like Tori and I, and they have always had a reputation of skipping classes and being violent. Many wonder how they got in to Hollywood Arts in the first place, if they just fight and are intimidating. Well if you only knew, they are pretty talented indeed. They write extremely good plays and they have a good ear for music. Just like myself, if I might say so. I am quite intimidating and I am talented too. But I don't skip classes… not often anyways. I look over at Tori. She sits like frozen on her chair staring right at the guys now walking towards us.

"Jade! What have you done now?!" The blonde boy smirks at me.

I see how Tori looks at me with scared, big eyes before I turn towards the boys. I tilt my head and smirk back to the blonde boy. "James. I have done nothing, just a little incident." I say his name in a patronizing way. I know them because they are in detention every time I have been here. So they know me, and I know them, but not more than that. We never really talk to each other more than simple exchanges of words, and it has only been lately that they have started to call me by name when they see me here. The three of them walk up to the table Tori and I are sitting by. And they place themselves by the table edge Tori is sitting closest to.

James places his palms on the table and leans forward, eyeing me. He opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off even before he starts. "You" I look at James "Oliver" I shift my gaze to the other tall guy "and Finn" I say as I let my gaze land on the short boy. I lean back on the chair and raise both my eyebrows, still supplemented with my crooked smirk "You are late."

James gives out an airy laugh and looks over his shoulders to look at Finn and Oliver that are standing behind him. Both Finn and Oliver begin to laugh a short and airy laughter when James looks at them. I roll my eyes and sigh to myself. Dudes like James needs to get confirmed by others to feel good about themselves. That is why I find all of them weak. I don't need anyone, but they need each other to make sure that they are good and popular enough. I am strong, they are weak.

I look back at James and, with as factual tone as I can, I say "You are late and served yourselves a good Saturday detention." At the end of the sentence I lift my eyebrows and place my elbows on my knees leaning forward with clasped hands.

The three musketeers just continue to laugh and then James looks at Tori who stares with big eyes up at him. James scans her and moves his face closer to Tori's. If I didn't know better I might have taken them for preparing a kiss, except for the fact that Tori looks scared like shit. Then James smirks again and turns to me "Who is you friend?" he says as he points at Tori who jerks away from his pointing finger extremely close to her face.

"You know Tori." I say and sigh again.

"Ah right, the lucky songbird" James turns his face back to Tori who now quivers, probably by fear.

I point a finger at James who I think has gone a bit too far by this point. He backs away from my finger and straightens up. I let my finger stay pointed at him, following his movement, as I say "Fuck off, we are talking here."

"Whoa. I didn't offend anyone." James gives out a choppy, nervous laugh.

"Fuck off. Okay?" I move my finger towards the door to clarify.

"Sure... Bitch." The last part was pressed out between gritted teeth and was just loud enough for me to hear. James quickly turns around and walks towards the library door with Oliver and Finn right behind him.

As soon as the door slams shut, from my left, I hear how Tori takes a deep breath. I look over at her and notice that she looks at me. Her mouth shapes a small 'o' and then she points at the door. "They called you…" Her voice dies out. "Do you know them?"

"Not really, they are just here all the time. And yeah, I know they called me a bitch. And they have right, haven't they?" I lean back again in my chair and swing my feet up onto the table, my black boots giving away a thump as they land on the tree surface.

I watch how Tori shifts uncomfortably in her seat and she opens and closes her mouth as she looks around the room, trying to come up with a good respond to my statement. I know that I behave like a bitch and that Tori, if someone, is eligible to call me a bitch. But as far as her vocabulary goes she only reaches a 'mean' at its highest. I tilt my chin forward and somewhat upwards as I expect an answer. All of a sudden, Tori stops shifting and looks directly at me. She looks calm again and her eyes indicate on sincerity. Her expression is very similar to that time at our 'date', when we prepared for our roles as a love couple, when she told me I was pretty.

"You are pretty mean sometimes…" I nod a little to myself in a small triumph over my very accurate analysis. "… but you aren't a… bitch." Tori pressed out the last word a bit awkward.

"Thanks…?" I'm not sure if what I just said was meant to be a question. But it came out like one. And I'm not sure if it is good or bad for me to not be a bitch… I might ruin my image…

Tori turns away from me and reaches for her handbag to get something from it. As she lifts it up onto the table, to dive into it, I notice the holes in the side of it. The brown leather has got two visible small black cuts in it. I can't help but feel a bit proud of myself. I didn't even know that my old blunt scissors were capable of cutting through leather before now. Tori puts her pear phone between us on the table and nods towards it with a smile playing on her lips.

"Ha, he forgot!" I chuckle out.

"Yeah, I know!"

"That's unusual… he has never done that before." I say as I slide two pear phones beside Tori's on the table. The phones hit against the table, with a metal against wood sound, and Tori looks puzzled between the three phones.

"You have two phones?"

"Yeah, but only one is working." I pick up the green phone and use my thumbnail and press it into the gap between the phone and the backside. I make a flicking motion with my thumb to crack it open. Once the metal plate lands on the floor I turn the phone towards Tori to reveal the empty inside of the shell.

"Why?" She asks eyebrows raised and wide eyes.

I sigh deeply. "Isn't it obvious?"

"Erm…" Tori begins, looking unsure at me. I cut her off before she says anything more. "When Dickers asks for the phones I put the old one in the box. That way…" I reach for my other phone, the black one. "…I can use my real, functioning phone once he leaves." I wave my black phone exultant in the air.

"Oh." Tori sounds fascinated. It doesn't surprise me that she doesn't know why I have two phones, and her lack of intelligence amuses me and I smirk to myself. "Do you want to listen to music?" She asks and picks up her phone.

"Why not" I answer in an out breath and reach out to take Tori's phone out of her grip.

"Jade!?" Tori bursts out as she grabs after the phone in the air.

"Take it easy Vega. I'm just gonna check what kind of music you listen to." I explain in a condescending way. I use my thumb to scroll down her playlist as I eye the songs and build myself a perception about her music taste. A small patronizing laughter escapes my mouth before I can stop it when I see pop songs by artist like Rihanna, Bruno Mars and Taylor Swift, Tori is so unoriginal. I shake my head as I scroll further down.

"What? I've got good music on my phone." Tori's voice sounds small offended.

"I've got better music." I say and look up at Tori as I hand her phone back to her.

I pick up my phone from the table and begin to scroll down my favorite-playlist. "Don't you just listen to rock and… noisy music?" Tori asks. I hear her unconvinced voice, but I don't look up from my phone. I choose my song and click the play button before I put it back onto the table.

I look at Tori's unconvinced face, raised eyebrows, big eyes and head tilted forward. I cross my arms, looking smug at Tori, as the song begins. The famous tones of The Beatles-Blackbird begin to fill the library. I don't take my eyes of Tori as the corners of her mouth pull upwards.

"Whoa, I didn't even know you listened to The Beatles." She leans back in her chair and looks up in the ceiling and sings along with the song.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night__  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise_

I can't help but smile at the sight of Tori, so deeply immersed in the song. And her amazing singing voice blends perfectly with the original. Most people do, like Tori, expect that I only listen to hard rock and stuff. But I really appreciate good pop music, and with good I mean really legendary music. Not some semi-skimmed milk like Taylor Swift. No, shall it be shall it be cream. I lean back in my chair too and sing along with Tori. I close my eyes and shake my head at the very unrealistic scene that are taking place. I am sitting in detention with Tori and sing with her to The Beatles… just like if we had been friends forever, but we haven't. The fact is that her kindness scares me, that her kindness can make me open up to her (it has already happened more than once) makes me feel vulnerable. And I don't like that feeling. Vulnerable people get hurt and I don't want to get hurt. My walls are my safety.

I hadn't realized that I had stopped singing until I feel Tori's eyes on me. I meet her concerned expression with a smile and a chuckle. She smiles back to me, and together we attack the last verse of the song.

* * *

**A/N: **No semi-skimmed milk here, no. It shall be cream milk, the end. Oh… I love milk…

Do I upload late…? No. Well I have my reasons. I've been away this weekend and my dear computer had to stay home. So without my friend by my side it has been completely and utterly impossible to write one single word on this story. But now I am home again. Although… I am still working so the writing might suffer. You don't know how exhausting a 7 to 4 work can be!

Reviews are very much appreciated, maybe even more than appreciated. Let's call them invaluable!


	4. Chapter 4 - Unexpected

**Chapter Four**

**_[Tori]_**

I can't believe it. Here I am, singing a song and laughing together with Jade West, the girl who is supposed to hate me. I continue to look dreamily up in the ceiling as the song comes to an end and the final tone dies out. I hear how another song begins. But it never continues. I look over at Jade and I find her sitting with her phone in her hands. She looks up at me with a faint smile before she puts back her phone onto the table. So, no more music I guess…

"What?" I ask Jade.

"I guess you don't want to listen to heavy metal." She smirks back at me.

I think about it. But it feels like I'm getting closer to Jade. Something inside me warms my heart when I think about having Jade as my friend. I want her to like me so bad. She is so interesting and special, she screams personality. And if I want to befriend her I suspect it can't be that bad to learn the extraordinary about her music taste "Why not? If you like it, it can't be that bad." I smile back at her.

Jades smirk widens as she picks up her phone again.

An electric guitar and drums kick off a hard beat on the highest volume. So high that it sounds as though the speakers are going to burst. I feel how I wrinkle my nose in distaste. I glance over at Jade who sits with closed eyes, nodding lightly in time with the music. Someone begins to sing (or scream, I'm not sure what to call it). I want to ask her to turn it off. But when I look over at her, she looks so rapt in the song that I can't bring myself to ask her.

I wonder how she looks at music. How she interprets it and how it affects her. I know that I often listen to the music and that the lyrics rarely come in first hand. If the music mimics my mood then I often like it, no matter of what the lyrics are. But how is it for Jade? Something must make her appreciate this type of music.

_No pain no gain __  
No pain no gain_

No time for losers you make the call  
Believe in yourself stand tall  
Another day it's in your hand  
You can be the winner in the end

The weak will fall the strong remain

I realize that the more I listen to the lyrics, the more I understand the meaning, the deeper meaning in the song. Being strong even if it hurts sometimes, is that what Jade hears in the song? And as the song continues I find myself not even noticing the music, the disturbing sound of the repeated riff and minor chords that give the song a somber mood. Maybe that is how Jade is? Songs often reflect what we carry inside us. Is this how Jade feels?

_Keep runnin' don't look back__  
Keep movin' paint it black  
Keep goin' don't ever stop  
There's time to rest the day you'll drop_

Even when the song ends I hear how the lyrics play over and over again inside my head, like a recorder on repeat.

"So… isn't it good?" Jade's voice pauses the replay loop inside my head and I can only come up with one answer to her question.

"Yeah… I liked it…" The answer coming out of my mouth surprises me slightly. Because I have never thought I would appreciate this kind of music. Jade looks at me with one corner of her mouth lifted and one raised eyebrow. Her whole expression screams _'I knew it.'_

"I know you did." She says as she picks up her phone to click on pause before the next song begins. Strangely enough, I feel as though I want to burst out into a '_no'_ when her thumb presses the pause button on the screen of her phone. Actually I wouldn't mind to listen some more to her music. But when I look on the screen of my own phone a feeling of sadness fills me up. The clock is almost half past five. One hour has gone by so fast and I feel sad because we have had such a good time. It feels strange… but I actually enjoy Jade's company.

Jade puts her phones into her black leather handbag with rivets and chains. Then she gets up and with one move she's on her feet. Her black curls bounce against her shoulders and her green highlights swirl around her face. And I see… I see how beautiful she is. I feel how my mouth slightly part as I inhale. Her face is perfectly symmetric and her full lips colored with a dark purple lipstick. Of course, I have always known that she is beautiful. It's just that mostly when I see her I'm just so focused on defending myself when she attacks. Now I can watch her, without any fear of her attacking me with her vicious words. She looks down at me and I don't know why but I quickly turn away, feeling how I blush for getting caught looking at her. But she can't possibly know what I thought when I looked at her… but I know, and that's enough for me to make me blush.

"Two detentions left Vega." She says. I look up at her and see that she smirks at me. I too get up so that we stand face to face. I nod and smile at her in agreement. "I actually… enjoyed your company…" Jade continues. My jaw drops, but I close it instantly as I feel how gravity draws it down. I give her a smile. And I open my mouth to tell her that I too have enjoyed her company, but I never get that far. Jade's expression changes and she points a warning finger at me. "Don't you dare telling anybody, because if you do… "She presses out between gritted teeth and she holds out on the word_ 'do' _in a threat. At least I take it as a threat.

"No I won't, I promise." I say as convincing as I can. Why would I? Now that Jade finally lets me in, slowly. Why would I want to risk that?

"Good." Jade takes her finger down to her side again and her lips curve into a light smile.

"So… are we like… friends now?" I ask carefully. Inside I'm terribly scared that my question will turn Jade against me once more… So it feels like a heavy stone gets lifted from my chest as Jade smiles at me.

"Sure. But don't say that to anyone either, ok?"

"No I won't." I say and hold out my arms to the sides. I smirk and wiggle my eyebrows as I plead "Then you have to give me a hug" Because friends do hug. And if Jade hugs me I take it as a sign that she really meant what she said.

I watch her roll her eyes before she steps close enough for me to embrace her. I either expect the feeling of getting my spine crushed or the feeling of getting pushed away after an extremely short embrace. But she doesn't do any of that. It's a warm hug and it feels unusually real for being a hug from Jade. I don't want the hug to end and I want to hold her for as long as I possibly can. But as expected, Jade is the one to end it. But when she backs away from me it is with a smile playing on her lips.

"See you tomorrow Vega." She twitches her neck and her smile turns into a smirk as she takes her handbag under her arm and walks out of the library.

With a smile on my face I take my handbag and walk towards the door. I lay my hand on the doorknob and before I open the door I turn around. I look back at the table where Jade and I sat, laughing together. I feel how my smile grows wider as I feel a bit emotional. I hope that we will be friends and that it will only become better from now on.

I think about the detention as I walk out to the parking lot behind the school. I look around, but of course it is empty. I take up my phone to check the time, 17:43. Trina is almost fifteen minutes late. She was supposed to pick me up half past five. But on the other hand, it is Trina we are talking about. I bet she is sitting in her room, painting her toenails. I sigh as I sink down onto the stairs leading up to the place we eat lunch.

I hear a car's engine approach the parking lot. Then with a gnashed sound, when rubber slides across asphalt, Trina's red car spins into the parking lot. I get up and brush of my jeans.

Trina drives up extremely close to the stairs. I watch her as she kicks the passenger door open with a foot in high heels. She leans over so that she can look at me. Her expression looks slightly desperate as she waves me into the car. "C'mon, we're in a hurry."

I nod and sigh. "Yeah, I can tell." I reply. I shake my head at Trina's normal behavior as I jump into the car.

The second I shut the door the car abruptly starts and quickly picks up speed. I find myself holding a tight grip around the handle in the ceiling as Trina drives out to the highway.

"Could you please slow down?!" I yell at Trina, my eyes locked onto the road in front of me.

"No." Trina says simply and at the same time she drives out to the inner file to drive past a long line of cars (that are driving legal speed!). And I am one hundred percent sure that if a police would show up right now, she is going to lose her driver's license. But if she did lose it I wouldn't get myself to school, since I don't have a driver's license.

"Why are we in a hurry?" I ask calmly as Trina stops at red lights. I exhale as the fact, that I still am alive, dawns on me.

"I'm going to meet up with John in, like, twenty minutes. And then you had to go and get yourself detention!"

"John?"

"Yeah, the hot guy who graduated last year."

"… I don't know who he is." I look over at Trina who sits leaned over the steering wheel, looking furious and irritated at the cars in front in the queue. I wonder if this date is going to end like every date Trina has ever been on. Either the guy leaves her even before the date begins (understandable), or Trina ends up leaving the guy because she thinks that she is so much better than him (not as understandable). Trina lives in this, kind of, bubble where everything revolves around her.

"Well, he's hot." Trina clarifies as if it is going to make me remember who he is. She slams both her hands against the steering wheel and the car gives away a loud 'toot' "C'mon, move!" She yells, almost frantic.

I place my index fingers against my temples and begin to gently massage them, I sigh.

* * *

**A/N: **A typical behavior from Trina, right? Well I thought she deserved a date.

I'm leaving today at 14:30 and will be gone until Sunday, so no updates this week. I haven't even begun the next chapter, so expect at least one week before update. But I will update, that is a promise.

Please leave a review, if you feel like you have the time.

The song I took the lyrics from is "No Pain No Gain" by Scorpions.


	5. Chapter 5 - Back And Forth

**Chapter Five**

**_[Jade]_**

I walk into the school a bit nervous. I'm nervous because yesterday Tori and I acted like friends and it is so out of my comfort zone. And I wonder if she is going to act as if we are friends today… I hope not, because I actually have a reputation to maintain. My fingers grab the cold metal handle and I open my locker.

"Hiiiiiii" I jerk to the sudden sound of Tori's voice saying a long protracted greeting. I know that she stands right behind my locker door, I can hear her breathing. I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to act like we are friends or something. I just want her to disappear. The crazy thing is that I can't even come up with a good reason to why I feel this way… maybe just because of old habits.

I sigh and throw my handbag in the back of my locker and with a great rattle it hits the metal wall and falls down on top of my books. I grunt loudly and slam my locker shut. "Hi". I say simply, feeling a bit torn apart inside, and walk with long steps towards Sikowitz's class.

I see from the corner of my eyes how Tori's smile droops and she looks shocked at me as I walk away. I know from experience that I usually to feel good about ignoring Tori and making her feel baffled but today it makes me feel so strange inside. I want to stay and talk to her, laugh with her. But the feeling is so strange that I can't even bring myself to do that. I don't know why, but I can't seem to stop thinking about yesterday. It hadn't even been extraordinary or something. But something happened, something that I can't point out like that. Whatever it was, it makes me feel weird and at the same time I feel a warm feeling when I think about it, about me and Tori sharing a laugh…

I open the classroom door and walk directly to the chair I usually sit on. I catch a glimpse of Beck sitting beside the chair I slowly sink down in. I feel his gaze on the side of my face. I'm not sure if he wants me to talk to him. Or at least turn around and face him, maybe to give him a gentle smile. But those thoughts don't even process in my brain until it is too late to do anything about. It feels as if my brain just has shut down or something, maybe a shorting …

Someone walks into me after class, just as I'm on my way to lunch. The nudge in my shoulder comes so sudden, I spin around. "What the fuck!" I feel the rage stream out of my body through action, without knowing what really happened I find myself sitting on top of Sinjin as he gives out small squeaks and covers his face with his arms. As usual I act before I think. It all comes natural for me now. It didn't in the beginning of my schooldays. But I learned with time to protect myself and spread fear in others, just to keep them on a good distance, everyone except Beck of course. And my 'friends' are a class from themselves. They know stuff about me, but not enough to hurt me.

"Jade!" A calm, dark voice whispers into my ear. Then I feel a pair of steady hands on my shoulders. I turn and see Beck sitting kneeled down to the floor to be in eyelevel with me. His dark eyes are calm and his calm rubs off on me. I feel calm again and my brain starts to function once more (well, function is an overstatement. But at least it works as well as it did this morning). I cast one lethal look at Sinjin cowering under my gaze. Then I get up on my feet again and walk towards the asphalt café.

With my lunch in one hand and my handbag in the other I sit down between cat and Beck by the round table. Someone looks at me, I can feel it. I look up and, as expected, Tori looks at me with a concerned expression. I look at her and then I turn my attention back to my food, without saying a word to her. In the back of my head a voice asks me what I'm doing, because I really like Tori. But I don't know why I act like this. My actions can't be explained right now. Although I act as I usually have done towards Tori. Every time I have let my walls come down slightly for Tori I quickly build them up again. And every time this happens I feel weird about it for a few days. I don't want to admit it… but I know I feel weird because I actually like Tori's company, a lot…

"Hiiiiiiii Jade!" Cat's loud, bright voice rings through the air as she waves one hand disturbingly in front of my face.

"Cat!" I snap back at her.

With big eyes, close to tears, she turns back to her food and just stares at it. I don't care, she's never sad for long. She forgets it after just a few seconds. That's why she's my friend. Because she doesn't care about my façade, she's still faithful towards me. Almost like Tori… _No, why am I thinking about her?_ By reflex action I slam one hand against my forehead in a facepalm.

"What?" I hear how Andre asks from behind Cat and I figure that it was meant for me.

"Nothing…" I murmur into my palm.

"Look what I made!" I watch as Cat takes out a plastic bag filled with something from her backpack. "It's chocolate brownies!" She opens the bag and reveals the brown squares inside the bag. I look around the table as everyone's faces light up at the sight. And that's not an unusual sight when Cat brings her creations. Everyone loves Cat's brownies, including myself. Together with coffee it makes the angels sing.

"Wow, you're the best little red!" Andre exclaims as he reaches out to take a brownie.

"Yeah!" Robbie, Tori and Beck agree as they too reach in for the treats.

Cat curls a red lock of hair behind her ear as she blushes from all the compliments. I smirk and take the last brownie from the bag. But before I get the chance to eat it a very annoying voice interrupts me "What if I wanted a cookie?!" Rex complains from beside Robbie.

I lift up the cookie to the side of my face as I look with disbelief at the puppet. "You can't even eat this."

I hear how Robbie gasps "Hey, that's bullying!" Rex yells.

I lift my eyebrows and slowly bring the cookie to my mouth as I hear how Rex protests and wails. I open my mouth and take one big demonstrative bite from it and the puppet shuts up. Content I eat up the cookie, sadly without coffee. But it works fine anyways. Cat's cookies are gone just as quickly as they showed up. Everybody begins to pack away their stuff to get ready to go to class. I leave the table and my trash on it. I don't feel like taking it. Either Beck will take it, or someone else will. I don't care, and I don't even know why I should care.

"Jade, aren't you going to take your trash?" Tori asks from behind.

I take a deep breath and look at her over my shoulder "Get lost Vega!" I snap at her and with those words I leave the asphalt café.

The rest of the day goes by slowly. And suddenly I'm on my way towards detention, again. For some reason, I yearn. I want to spend time with Tori, she makes me laugh and feel accepted for who I am. It is weird but my steps feel somewhat lighter as I think about it. I open the door to the library. Slowly I eye the room like a scanner. I search for Tori. I don't even realize that it is her I look for before I find myself feeling sad that she isn't here yet. I walk back to my regular seat and fall down onto the chair. It's only me here, I'm alone. I pick up my scissors from my handbag and begin to study them. The door opens and a small feeling of hope makes me look up to see who will walk through the doorway. And for some reason I feel relieved that it is Tori. I smile at her, but my smile faints as I find that she doesn't respond to it. She looks straight at me and gives me a distrustful glance before she turns left and slides onto the chair in the front row. My heart sinks and I lean back into my chair, feeling a strange feeling of being abandoned. This is why you should never try to make friends or put your faith in others company.

It is not like her, she's not the one who ignores. She is the most faithful persons I have ever gotten the pleasure to scream at. I cut out a piece of paper from my notebook and crumple it up into a ball. Then I bring back my arm and aim at Tori, sitting two rows in front of me. The ball of paper hits her in her neck and her hand flies up to touch where she just got hit. With an inquiring glance she turns back to look at me.

"Ouch! What was that good for?" She complains as she rubs her neck.

I think that she is overreacting. It doesn't hurt to get hit by paper. The reason I threw it was because I want to know why she won't come and sit with me. I want to show her a new album I downloaded yesterday. (I know, the thoughts running through my mind scares me too).

"Why do you sit over there?" I ask with a stiff voice and make a gesture towards the chair beside me to offer her an optional seat.

Tori turns around in her chair and leans over the backrest with two hands holding the chair. "Maybe because you ignored me the whole day!" She bursts out and turns back with a powerful spin.

"I did?" I ask, not convinced (But I know I did).

"Well Jade, you always do!" She doesn't turn to face me when she says it. She just flings out with her arms to her sides and sighs loudly. I wait for her to say something more. But seconds pass with a strained silence between us. Then suddenly she gets up and walks up to me. She places herself in front of me with the table between us. "I have tried to talk to you, I always do. And all you do is spiting back at me." She sounds honestly hurt. I watch her as she looks up for a few seconds. That look is so familiar to me, when you look up to prevent the unwanted tears from streaming down your face. "I thought we were becoming friends. But every time I think that we are, you always transform into being so mean. And every time I think, maybe this time. Maybe this time she will change…. Because… I want to be your friend." She shakes her head and bites her bottom lip as her gaze flickers.

I don't know how I feel. She has never told me this before, about how much I actually hurt her. But I think that I will never understand why she wants to be my friend, why she tries so hard. I never knew I hurt her for real, to me it seemed as though she was content with the friends she had and that she didn't care about me that much. But from what she just said I draw the conclusion that she gets hurt and that she really wants to be my friend. "I didn't know I hurt you that bad, you never seemed to care that much." I say slowly.

With a dejected sigh she says "Well you do hurt me and I do care. I want to be your friend. Don't you know how frustrating it is to try so hard? And every time you are the least bit nice to me it feels as though you too want us to be friends. But then you go back to act like a… bitch. Don't you know that you have a hold on me for acting like that, dragging me in and out?"

No I don't know, at least I didn't. Now I do. "Is this how you have always felt, every time?"

"Yes, yes it is…"

"Why do you even want to befriend me?" I ask. "I know that you think I'm a nice person inside and all that, but why?" I add before she gets the chance to answer.

She bites on her lower lip before she answers. "Because… every time you're nice to me… I feel special."

My jaw drops a few meters down (No, I'm just joking. But is sure feels like it). I never knew I could have such a hold on someone, and least of all someone like Tori. In my eyes she is this independent girl who doesn't let herself be controlled by anyone. But now the truth is out in the air. So why shouldn't I too tell her the truth? After a few seconds of reflection I decide to tell her. "I want to be your friend too… even if I'm not always acting like it." My words make her smile. I feel relieved that she does so, for some weird reason. I smirk at her. If she expects more revealed secrets she will be disappointed. I have told her what she needs to know right now. Despite it all, I'm not an open book.

She opens her arms to invite me into a hug. "Friends?" She asks with big, questioning eyes. I know that accepting this hug will mean agreement.

"I'm not sure I can hold that promise." I say and cross my arms, even if my inside screams a big _YES_.

Tori rolls her eyes "Okay, fine." But she doesn't take her arms down. "Come to me this Saturday?" She asks and moves her arms closer towards me.

Great, a new request… I want to be with her, I don't have any plans. But on the other hand I don't want to give in completely. I walk around the table to stand on an arm's length distance from her. "I don't want to… But I'm coming, but not because I want to nor because you asked." I say factually.

Tori smiles and wiggles her arms as she walks closer to me. I can't hold back any longer, instead I walk into her embrace. Her hug is warm and soft. And this time I don't want to snap her spine.

* * *

**A/N: **Maybe they have this typical frenemy relationship? I sure think so.

I'm late, late and once again late. I know, please don't hate me. Because I love you, and I don't like one sided love. I have been very busy, and soon school will begin all over again. I don't know if I'm excited or not… We'll see, we'll see…

Have you got a few words to spare for me?


	6. Chapter 6 - A Greeting And Pot Pie

**Chapter Six**

**_[Tori]_**

She walks by my side out of the library. The last detention… and I'm sad it's over. I never thought I would miss detention. But now, one minute after it's over, I do miss it. I want to go back inside and sit next to Jade and talk about music, laugh and sing together. This day Jade ignored me as usual. I don't know if I expected anything else… although I want to think that she was a bit nicer to me than she usually is. She didn't ignore me during detention, thankfully. And she said 'hi' to me this morning and I know that that is unusual. Even though it's just a greeting, it's more than I expected from Jade right now. But I know that whenever I think that we are getting closer she pulls away. But still, I wish that this time, this time we will become friends, for real.

"Jade." Beck's voice interrupts my thinking and I stop in my track.

I look over at Jade who too has stopped and now gives me an excusing glance. "Oh... Hi" she answers a bit absent. I frown at the weird behavior she is directing towards Beck. I look at him as he walks up to Jade and puts an arm over her shoulders. He doesn't seem to notice Jades absence, or he hides the fact that he does notice.

"Are you ready to go?" He asks with a smile. Then he looks over at me "Do you need a ride?"

I wouldn't mind to get a ride from Beck, but I have already asked Trina to pick me up. "No, Trina is going to pick me up." I smile apologetic and decline his offer with a small chuckle.

"You can drop me off at my house." Jade says stiffly and looks straight at Beck.

I can see how Becks eyes widen and his arm drops from Jade's shoulders. "What, I thought that we were going to hang out together this weekend." He takes a step back to read Jade's facial expression.

So that was why Jade became all stiff and odd when Beck showed up. She had already made plans with him… and now she had promised to come to my house tomorrow. Well I guess that will never happen. She will pick Beck over me, of course. He is her boyfriend.

Jade sighs. "No. I have other plans." I feel how my eyes widen at her words. She picks me before Beck. Maybe this time… But no! I can't let her pick me over Beck. She is after all his girlfriend. And I don't want to end up between them, although Beck is a nice guy. But still, I can't hurt Beck, even if for just one weekend.

"What are those plans then?" He asks. He's voice sounds hurt and he looks let down. I feel how guilt blows up from inside of me, ready to explode.

"You know what Jade, you don't have to-"I slur out but I don't get the chance to finish the sentence.

Jade swings out one arm in front of me to cut me off. "You know what, that doesn't matter!" She says with a harsh voice. I'm stunned… and at the same time I feel lost, what is she playing at?

"Okay, sure. Let's go then." Beck surrenders with one hand in the air. With a few long steps Jade is already out of the building. Beck sighs deeply and looks at me "Sorry for that." No I am sorry… "See you next week then." He smiles at me and jogs out to catch up with Jade.

Great Tori! Look what you have done. You hurt Beck and he doesn't even know it. On the other hand, Jade could have chosen to ditch on me, but she hadn't. That was weird. I itch myself on my scalp in confusion as I look at the clock. Great, Trina is late… again.

I walk up to the stairs and sink down. Right on cue, Trina swings open the door to the school and walks inside. Her stiletto heels click against the floor. She stops in front of me and wiggles a reprimanding finger at me with the other hand on her hips. "You're free. Has detention served its purpose? Do you feel the guilt?!"

Yes I feel the guilt. But not because of the reason she thinks. I look up at her and sigh loudly, merely because she shall hear. She looks at me with a frown as I stand up and walk out of the school, leaving Trina inside. Quickly Trina catches up with me "What?" she asks and waves one hand in front of my face.

"Nothing…" I take my free hand, the one that doesn't hold my handbag, and push Trina's hand away from my sight. I feel strange inside. Jade is coming over to me tomorrow, and I don't even know how that happened. Never in a million years would I have thought that she, of all people, would pay me a visit .And least of all, choose me before her boyfriend. Who now happened to be Beck, the boy every girl want. I was included in that category for a good while. Until I realized that I could never be his, because Jade loves him and for some reason, Jade's feelings come before my own.

When I step inside our home I feel like a nightmare. Trina refused to turn on the air conditioner with the argument that it would ruin her soft hair. I don't believe that though. If the ride would have been longer than five minutes I am sure that I could have come up with something that was going to ruin her hair. And it would not have been the air conditioner. In fact, it would have been my own two hands, dragging her hair. It would have been just like free teasing. But you don't have the time to tease all of Trina's hair during a five minute ride. I'll save that idea for next time.

"Dinner's ready!" Mum calls as soon as Trina and I step inside. I hear how plates and glasses get put down onto the wooden table. Then the smell of family pot pie fills my nostrils and I feel how my stomach craves the goodies.

"Yay, family pot pie!" I wave with my fists around my face as I jump towards the table.

Mum looks up with a smile "I know ri…" her voice dies out and her smile droops and her eyes widen. Trina walks past me and sits down by the table. I stop and look at my mum. I think that she is looking on something, on me. I begin to feel self-conscious and I touch my hair, uncertain.

"What?" I ask with a tiny voice.

"Is that yours?"I notice disbelief in her voice. She points at me.

I raise one eyebrow. What exactly does she mean? "What?" I ask again.

Mum sighs and walks up to me. Her hand grabs my arm "This." I look down at her pointing finger and follow the direction of her index finger with my gaze. I chuckle as I see the black leather on my arm, studs and chains decorating it. I remember now, I'm wearing Jade's leather jacket. Shit, I forgot to give it back…

"No it's Jade's." I shrug my shoulders and offer mum a faint smile.

"Jade, that scary girl?"

"Yeah… why?" I take the jacket off and hang it over the sofa's backrest.

"I just thought you hated each other." Now it's mum's turn to shrug her shoulders and sound unconcerned.

I drag out the chair next to Trina and sit down. I look over at Trina who has begun digging in. I take the spoon and fill my plate with the warm food. "No it was just cold during detention and I forgot my jacket." I say at the same time as mum too sits down. It had been extremely cold in the library. And I had realized that I had forgotten my Jacket at home, and with only a top I had begun to shiver. Unexpected, Jade had offered me to borrow her jacket. She had been sitting there next to me with bare arms, and I hadn't even seen goosebumps on her pale skin. I can't believe that neither she nor Beck had commented on the fact that I wore her Jacket when we walked out of detention. Well, that doesn't matter now. I'll give it back tomorrow. Her jacket had been warm, and it had smelled like her too. I bring my arm to my nose and sniff slightly. Yeah, it smells like her. The scent of her rose perfume had rubbed off on my arm.

"What are you doing?" Trina's voice makes me look up. She looks sort of disgusted. I return to my plate and so does Trina. "Can someone help me wash my back after dinner?"

"Why?" Mum asks with her mouth full of food.

"I have back pimples." Trina snaps.

"No, I won't help you." I say and move discreet as far away from Trina as I can without falling off my chair.

Trina turns to mum. "Then you ha-"Trina begins.

"Dad will be home soon, ask him." Mum says quickly. Trina looks baffled, but she shuts up. A needy sister is not top notch. But I do love her. She is my sister after all. I can stand her and sometimes I even surprise myself with my endurance.

The front door opens and everybody at the table looks up. Dad walks in, still in his police uniform. "Girls I'm home!" He wears a smile on his lips. He sniffs in the air and looks straight at mum "Holly, it smells lo-"

Trina cuts him off. "Dad, you have to help me cl-"Her demand gets interrupted.

"I really have to get back to work." Then the door slams shut and dad is gone, just as quickly as he showed up.

"Great… Who can help me now?" Trina complains and stirs around in her food with her fork.

"Can't you do it yourself?" Mum pleads at Trina.

"But how will I reach my back?" She demonstratively flings with her arms around herself, trying to show us that what we ask for is completely impossible.

I sigh and leave the table. "Where are you going?!" Trina shouts behind me. I don't answer. I walk straight to the bathroom and reach into the shower to grab the back scrubber that hangs on a hook on the shower wall. Sometimes my sister is too dumb for words. I walk with determined steps back to the table with the long brush in my hands.

When I reach the table I press it into Trina's hand "Here , now you can do it yourself." I calmly walk back to my seat and continue with my food. I see from the corner of my eyes how mum smiles and nods, pleased, at me. I look over at Trina still sitting there with the scrubber in her hand, looking puzzled.

"But…" Her voice dies out. She has no arguments left.

_Mission complete_.

* * *

**A/N:** I kind of feel sad for Beck. Jade is acting weird though… And for the record, I want to taste the family pot pie. It sounds so good when they talk about it. But I have made the sad decision to try the five two diet. So today I have been starving or something. I want some family pot pie! Or cookies…

Tomorrow school begins and I'm not even asleep yet, I should sleep. If I don't, I will die in class tomorrow. But I wanted to update so bad, so now I have finished this chapter for you. I think that you deserve it. Maybe I should sleep now…

Maybe you could ease my grieving over school start, so reviews are very much appreciated.

(Anyone else noticed my fail on the last chapter? I accidentally named it chapter four, when it was chapter five. Silly me.)


	7. Chapter 7 - Coming over

**Chapter Seven**

**_[Jade]_**

It's weird. My mind is still pretty unsure about what happened yesterday after detention. All I know is that I chose Tori over Beck. Something inside me wanted to be with her. She makes me feel normal (Okay, not normal. But around her it feels like I have a friend). All I ever wanted was a friend to be close. My closest friend is Cat and. And to be honest, she isn't the brightest girl. She follows me wherever I want, that's why I let her be around, that's why I tell her a lot (But far from everything). She's just like a puppy… on steroids or drugs. But choosing Tori over Beck had happened way too fast for me to even interpret what happened. You know, when you do something and then, afterwards, you think about it. Like if your brain just took a few minutes rest. But I think my brain is officially on holiday, maybe it left a note somewhere?

I roll over to my side in my bed. I sigh because the position doesn't help my thinking. Maybe I just need more blood to my brain? I scooch back and lay down on my back with my head hanging down over the bedside. I feel how the blood comes rushing, making my head warm. I probably look like a tomato. I don't even want to know. Maybe I should stay home? It would feel so wrong showing up at Vegas'. But on the other hand, I made a promise (Sort of). Promises mean a lot to me, mostly because my parents' actions taught me how bad it hurts when a promise gets broken. So that's it then, I'm going.

I sit up so rapidly that my whole room begins to spin around. When it all settles down and my eyes can focus I see my clock on my wall. The black clock has a black ornate frame which gives it sort of a gothic look. It fits very well into my room. It tells me that the clock is half past six.

Shit!

I pick up my phone and open my inbox. The latest text was from Tori and it says _'You can come over at six. Is that okay?'_ I remember how I answered that it was fine by me. And even if I go now I will be late. Fuck… Well better late than never, right? Or…?

_Brrrrrr brrrrrr…._

The vibrations come so sudden that I accidentally drop my phone out of chock. It slides out of my hands and bounces against my dark brown wooden floor. It lands with the screen side up and it reveals that I just got a message from Tori… I stare at the phone as if it is a monster. I know I'm late, but I'm not sure about what Tori thinks about it. I sigh deeply when I realize that I actually want to go, I want to see her. Before these days in detention I would never have wanted to visit Tori willingly. But somehow, now, I want to.

A bit reluctantly I get up from my bed and kneel down on the floor beside my phone. I pick it up and unlock it. With a big knot in my stomach, that feels like it's growing, I open the text.

_Where are you? Are you coming? _

I stare at the words. And, as I wonder about what to do, the phone in my hands vibrate once more and a speech bubble pops up underneath the last text.

_I want you to come…_

I slip my phone into my jeans pocket without responding and stand up. Someone, it sounds like my mum, says something before I close the front door. I stop for a split second with the door handle still in my grip. But before I can make out what she is trying to say I let go of the door with a light push and it makes a clicking sound when it shuts. I don't talk to my mum. Ever since she and dad broke up she has been more focused on her career than raising me (not that I need her). She works as a bank manager and is barely home. She lets me do whatever, and I like that (but I know that, inside, I want her to be a mum I can trust, love and get loved by…). No, I squeeze the car key in my hand and shake my head. I want the thoughts to go away, the thoughts about a happy family that I'll never get. So to grieve over it is just pointless. This is how I manage. I push the difficult thoughts away.

Thankfully it is quite dark outside. I prefer to drive in the dark. I like how the sky is clear during the night and everything gets so much clearer in the dark, so much closer. The air feels fresher and there is not as much traffic during nighttime as during daytime. I don't know why, but it calms me down and I can think a lot better when I'm not mocked by the sun burning my skin through the car windows.

I pull over and stop the car in front of Vega's house. Why am I even here? I could have been with beck if I wanted to. But no, I had to choose to come here instead. I can't stand myself at times. The crazy thing is that I want to see her. I get out of my car and walk up to the front door. I take my fist and beat the door four times. I know that they have a doorbell, but I like using my fist. I have noticed that it makes people open the door faster, out of fear that the person that beats on the door is mad or in a hurry. I hear how someone on the other side of the door is walking closer. I hear high heels patter against the floor inside. So I guess that it is Trina then.

It brightens up my day remarkably when I see the sight in front of me as the door opens. A chocked Trina is standing in front of me, her eyes wide and eyebrows high. She is wearing a pair of purple high heeled boots and a grey tight dress. But her face, her face… it makes me chuckle a bit scornfully. It is covered in green goo that looks kind of like mold.

"Jade?" That is all she seems to get out.

"Yeah." I step inside without waiting for an invite and before I steer my steps towards Tori's room I look at Trina. "I think that your face is about to rotten."

I leave her standing, still holding the door open, looking offended and giving out small squeaks. I smirk to myself as I take on the stairs, two steps at the time. I know exactly where Tori's bedroom is. I've been there before, but never with her permission though. It's the door to the left furthest down the hallway.

The door is slightly open so I just push it open as carefully as I can and peek inside. I see Tori sitting, faced away from me, on top of her bed. I sneak inside and place myself with my arms crossed over my chest to make it look like I've been standing here for ages. I clear my throat "So?"

Tori spins around and looks up at me. "I… didn't think that… you were actually going… to show up." She strains out with suspicion in her voice.

"Well, here I am." I fold my arms out to my sides to mark my, very obvious, position. "I can leave if you want me to." I turn slowly towards the door to see if she actually wants me to stay, if my action will make her somewhat desperate.

"No wait!" Tori exclaims and, satisfied, I turn back and walk up to her. I smirk and sit down beside her on her bedside.

She turns towards me and now we sit on opposite sides of the bed, I'm sitting on the foot end. I dump my handbag on the floor beside the bed and look around the room. The walls are painted in a light grey color and the ceiling is white. It is overall very light, except for the accent colors. For example, the curtains that are hanging in front of the only window in her room are deep purple, and the big fluffy carpet on the floor is the same color as the curtains. Tori's room is too light according to me, but it is manageable unlike Cat's room. Tori's room is just modern with a girly touch while Cat's room is pink and just oozes girl.

"Where have you been?" Tori's voice brings my focus back to her. She sits cross-legged in front of me.

"I just forgot the time."

"Oh… Well you are here now."

I roll my eyes in irony. Yes of course I am here now, isn't that obvious? "What do you want to do?" Tori asks with a light and bouncy voice as she smiles at me. I feel how I frown. Actually, I'm not that accustomed to things you do with friends, because of the simple reason that I have never really had a close friend. I shrug my shoulders. Then I feel the craving for some energy and I smirk before I say "I want coffee." I don't wait for an answer from Tori. I just get up and walk out of her room with her tagging along after me.

"Okay. I guess that we make coffee." I hear how Tori says with a withdrawn voice, as though she doesn't want to argue with me.

I don't know why she rarely argues with me. I remember now the time Tori told me that she admires that I'm never afraid to say what I think or what I want. I realize that I just did that, said what I wanted without asking her. Is that being selfish? Maybe I'm a lot more like my parents that I thought… Maybe I'm becoming my own nightmare. What happens if you ask what others want, even if it is such a small thing as not making coffee? I have never been the person to take an interest in others feelings or needs… not even Beck's. Why am I now paying interest in Tori's feelings? I stop half way through the corridor and I feel how Tori walks right into me. "Wha…" She gives out a half word or something in a questioning utterance when she bounces into me. "Or do you want to do something else?" I ask as I feel her body bounces back away from me. I turn my face over my shoulder to look at her.

"No, coffee is great…. and a movie." She adds with a slightly chocked look on her face. Then she shoots one of her breathtaking bright smiles, the smile that lights up a whole room, at me. "I know the perfect movie!" She walks around me and down the stairs in front of me.

"Just not one of those shitty romantic movies" I call after her.

"You'll see West, you'll see." She calls back and I sigh before I walk down the stairs.

Quietly she makes the coffee and I place both my hands behind me on top of the kitchen island and jump up. I watch her as she puts the coffee powder inside the percolator. The familiar sound of the working percolator feels nice and it makes me feel like home. I hear how Tori gives out a soft giggle, looking into the percolator.

"What? Did you find something funny?"

"No. I was just thinking."

What? I hate when people just say that. It makes me curious as hell! "About what, was it funny?" I find that I sound a bit irritated.

"No, it wasn't funny. It was sort of nice… It is the first time you have ever asked me what I want to do." She smiles at me. "Here" She hands me a big mug filled to the brim with coffee.

"Thanks." I answer a bit reserved. Was this really the first time I have asked Tori about what she wants to do? I doubt it, but maybe it is the first time I have asked her and really meant it… Does that really mean something to her? I still wonder why she cares about my feelings and wants to be my friend… I jump down from the kitchen island and walk after Tori towards their TV.

"The notebook!" Tori waves a DVD in front of my eyes. Oh how long ago it was I saw one of those. I mostly download movies or stream online, it was many months ago I last saw a DVD.

I sigh "One of those girly movies."

"Have you even watched it?" She puts the DVD into the side of their flat screen.

"… no." I try to make my voice as small as possible. Because I know that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. (Which I obviously just did)

"So let's give it a shot then!" Tori jumps down in the sofa and begins to sip on her coffee. She waves for me to come and join her, and so I do. Somehow my legs steer me next to her and I find myself sitting down beside her. And crazy enough, it doesn't feel weird. I feel calm and everything is relaxed and feels so easy. I'm not sure if it is because of me or Tori. Almost like with Beck… not strained and effortless. I feel as though I can just be. I cross my legs in front of me and take a huge gulp from my coffee as the movie begins.

* * *

**A/N: **I actually get Jade's confusion. It is actually the first time that she has actually given Tori a chance. (Can you get how many times I used the word _actually_ in the last two sentences?). And I love "The notebook" btw. If you haven't watched it just do! ... Somehow I just don't want to dig to the groove of school. And I am so tired that when I was going to check the weather forecast I accidentally typed in the town youtube. What weather is it in youtube? Anybody?

Reviews are as usual invaluable!


	8. Chapter 8 - Post It Note

**Chapter Eight**

**_[Tori]_**

OMG! She liked it. Jade actually liked the movie! Well, as expected she threw a stiff comment about it being terribly girly and nothing she would watch again. But she added that it was ok. And, being a comment from Jade, I take it as a pretty good review on the movie's behalf. She had left after the movie was over and I think that her cup is still on the coffee table in front of our sofa. No one had mentioned it being there during the whole weekend.

I walk downstairs to make myself some breakfast. Monday… School all over again. As I walk past the sofa I catch a glimpse of something black hanging over the sofa's backrest. Oh no, I forgot to give Jade her jacket back… Well, I can always return it today in school. The jacket brings my thoughts back to Jade and Saturday. But this is something I have become used to these past days. Jade won´t seem to leave my mind. I lift up her leather jacket and I feel how I smile goofily as my thoughts wander back to the very pleasant and very unexpected moments I have had with Jade since Wednesday. Now when I think about it I realize that the only day I haven't had a nice and friendly conversation with Jade, since Wednesday, is yesterday and yesterday we didn't see each other at all. So maybe after all this time, I can say that we are friends… but it is still up to Jade.

I carry Jade´s jacket with me to the kitchen table and place it on top of the table. Breakfast enters my mind and the bowl with fruits in the middle of the table catches my attention. Bending over, I grab a red apple. I take a bite from my apple in my hand just as Trina jumps downstairs.

"Are you coming?" She calls back over her shoulder as she opens the door and disappears. She came and she left in a flash. I roll my eyes and grab Jade's jacket on the go and almost run after Trina towards the car. I don't want to risk her leaving without me.

Trina can't sing. It sounds terrible and awful. The worst bit isn't her singing. No, it is that she thinks that she is so good (and with so good I mean sooo good…). But she isn't. The false tones enter my ears and send a shiver along my spine out of sheer unpleasantness. But five minutes pass and, relieved, I open the car door and get out.

As soon as I walk inside the school I head straight towards Jade´s locker. But before I reach her locker I see that she isn't there. "Are you looking for Jade?" Becks voice sounds behind me. I feel how I slightly panic. I know I haven't done anything wrong towards Beck. But I still feel guilty for being with Jade this weekend when he actually had plans with her… Not that I think that he would get mad at me for being with her, he is my friend after all. "Yeah… you know what… I'll just talk to her later." I turn around and walk past him without looking at him. "Okay…" He sounds a bit shocked (understandable).

I reach my locker and open it. I feel the weight of Jade's jacket in my right hand and sigh. I don't know why I didn't just give it to Beck… Well, sometimes you act before you think. I press her Jacket into my locker.

"Hi!" Cat's high pitch voice surprises me and sends a jolt through my body. When she sees my reaction she carefully says "Sorry…"

I turn to look at her. She has her red hair up in ponytail and she sways on her feet as she stands in front of me with a cute smile on her face. "It's okay." I say as I gather myself together." What do you want?" I close my locker with one hand to turn all my focus onto Cat. "We were planning on going to Karaoke Dokie after school today. Want to come?". I feel how my handbag is on its way to slide off my shoulder "Who?" I ask as I jerk with my shoulder to move the handbag straps further up.

"Me, André, Beck, Robbie and maybe Jade… I don't know. I haven't asked her yet. She isn't here. I think Beck said that she's sick today."

"Jade's sick?"

"Yeah… I think Beck said so." Cat replies hesitant and thinks with her mouth tense and her eyebrows pressed down. "So are you coming?" She looks at me with big eyes.

"Sure, why not" I smile to myself as Cat lets out a "Yay! It'll be so much fun!" and almost dances away with her ponytail wagging as she moves.

I shake my head at her and sigh and smile at the same time. She is so cute. Sometimes I wonder what's going on in her brain. She seems so careless and sweet all the time, very naïve. I begin to walk to my English class. I find myself looking at Jade's locker stabbed with scissors as I walk past. I'm not sure if I interpret the feeling right… but it feels as though I miss her. Because I want to see her, and I think I do miss her. I shake the feeling off and continue my walk to class. As I get closer I see how Cat's red hair disappears behind the door leading to the classroom. Rex voice is also to be heard before the door closes. I walk up to the door and place my hand on the door handle. Just as I'm about to press it down I hear someone behind me, a throat clearing. I spin around.

"Jade?" She stands leaning against the wall with crossed arms and a smirk playing on her lips. Her hair curls around her face, framing it. She is wearing black jeans, black combat boots and a mesh t-shirt. No jacket- that's right… I have her jacket. "I thought you were sick."

She shrugs her shoulders "What? It's a good excuse to skip school."

"What are you doing here anyways?"

"First of all I want my jacket back." She pushes herself away from the wall with one foot and walks up to me. She puts her head to the side "And you are going to hang out with me after school."

Okay wait…. jacket. That much I did grip but then she said something more. "What?"

"You are going to hang out with me, today after school."

She wants to be with me? What is happening? I blink a few times as it dawns on me. Inside I scream out of joy because Jade is giving me a chance. "Yeah… No, I can't. I promised Cat to follow to Karaoke Dokie after school." Torn apart, I look apologetic at Jade.

"Cancel them." She says stiffly.

"But what about Cat? I promised." I bite my lip.

Jade raises her eyebrows "She's not going to care too much. She'll get over it in what, two seconds."

I know that Jade's right… This is so frustrating! I want to be with Jade. I like hanging out with her. So without thinking I say "Sure, after school." What did I just do?!

"Great." Jade smiles at me and begins to walk down the corridor. Her black locks bounces softly against her back as she strides with long steps away from me.

Her jacket. Her jacket! "Jade your jacket!"

She stops in her tracks and looks over her shoulder. "I don't want to make you ditch classes. I'll get it myself."

She'll get it herself? I frown. "How?"

"I think they have started in there. You'd better go in." She nods towards the door and gives me one last smirk before she continues her way down the corridor.

Puzzled, I turn back towards the door and enter the classroom. I walk past the teacher who looks at me with a discontented countenance as he shakes his head. He makes some notes in his note block before he pushes up his glasses on his nose bridge with his index finger and turns back to the whiteboard. I don't even care. I still wonder how Jade is going to get her jacket out of my locked locker… And I still can't believe she showed up, what appeared as, just for me. I sink down on a chair next to André. I feel how he looks at me, but I don't look back. "What happened? Were you talking to someone?" He whispers. "No, nothing" I answer evasive. I'm going to hang out with Jade. She wanted to hang out with me. I feel how I smile. I can't stop it as it travels from one corner of my mouth to the other. I must look pretty stupid. I sit here smiling at nothing and because of, what seems as, nothing. But it is something to me.

The class ends and I don't remember anything of what the teacher said. All I can think of is that I am going to be with Jade. I sigh deeply as I get out of my chair. She is doing it again, haunting my thoughts. Why?

"Come on Tori!" Andre yells my name. I look up and find him waiting for me by the door. I grab my handbag and walk up to him.

"Tori?" I slowly turn around. The teacher looks at me with a stern expression. His name is Ben and he is a middle aged bitter man. He wears old clothes and a pair of glasses, a few sizes too small, that makes his head look like a swollen balloon.

"What?"

"You were late to class. Why?"

I quickly think about an excuse. "I was?" I try to sound as innocent as I can. I just said that to by me some more time to think. "Yes." Ben doesn't change his expression the slightest. I need an excuse. I don't know what will happen otherwise, but I feel like I need one. When no excuse seems to appear I look over at André for help. His eyes flicker and it shows me that he begins to panic, but not for long. "I told my grandmother to call Tori if she wanted me anything, I can't stand her calling. And you know how hard it is to get my grandmother to hang up." He gives Ben a strained smile, grabs me around my wrist and drags me out of the classroom.

"You have to make a report of your choice, one page. It's due tomorrow! And don't let it happen again!" I hear how Ben calls from behind us as we hurry down the corridor.

I try to breath normally again as we reach our locker. I know that Ben isn't late when it comes to handing out detentions (He's not as bad as Dickers, but a good runner up.). I don't know what I would have done if André hadn't been there.

"Thanks." I say to him as he begins to walk towards his locker around the corner. But now I have a report to do...

He smiles at me "No problem. I don't want you to be stuck in detention one more week."

From the corners of my eyes I catch a glimpse of Cat's red hair flying by. I reach out one hand and grab her shoulder. She spins around and follows my arm with her gaze before her eyes land on my face and a smile spreads over her face.

"Cat, I'm not following to Karaoke Dokie today." Her eyes widen at my statement.

"Why?"

"I forgot that I'm busy this afternoon." I lie… I lie.

"Oh… That's okay. We can go another time." She gives me a sugar sweet smile and jumps away.

I set the combination on my locker and hear how it clicks. I open the locker door and find that Jade's jacket is no longer in there. I eye the locker and that confirms it, it's gone. How did she get in here? I have a combination. I scratch my scalp in confusion. Then I see something, a yellow post-it note on the side wall of my locker with something scribbled on it with a black marker pen. I rip it off and read the note.

_I have your combination. Thanks for bringing my jacket. _

_-Jade_

I chuckle and slam my locker shut and put the note in my jeans pocket before I head over to next class.

* * *

**A/N: **How did Jade get Tori's locker combination? Well Jade is a mystery, but admit that you like her. They are developing a friendship, but it's still complicated though…

I upload as often as I can, I'm still very busy. But I'm going to upload more often, twice a week hopefully. Does that sound good? Please, bear with me.

Give me a review of what you thought about this chapter. I'd like to hear your critic, good and bad.


	9. Chapter 9 - Escape

_**Chapter Nine**_

_**[Jade]**_

I have decided. I am going to give our friendship an honest shot, although it's still an unusual feeling. This friend thing, it feels weird to hang out with Tori without wanting to scream at her or push her out through a window. I drove home right after I broke into Tori's locker and picked up my jacket. I even made the effort to leave a note for her. It twitches in the corners of my mouth as a smile grows on my lips. When I detect the feeling as a smile I quickly relax my face and look sternly through the car window. I don't want to like to hang out with her (even if the truth is that I do). I know I'm silly. I want to hang out with her and that is why I have a plan for us tonight. No one can know that I'm giving in. Not that anyone will care that I do, but I care and that's enough to make me feel strange…

My mobile phone in my back pocket vibrates pressed against the leather car seat and gives away a dull sound. I shift my weight and pick up my phone. The message is from Tori.

_I'm sorry, I can't hang out with you tonight. I have homework to do… _

I sigh deeply and slam my head back on the headrest and grunt loudly. I bend over my phone to reply.

_I can help you. What's it that you're going to do?_

Whoa, I really want to be with Tori? I realize that now. I want to hang out with her so bad that I even willingly offer her help with her homework. How sick am I really? I place my hand on my forehead to check my imagined fever. And it is, as I knew, imagined. The phone vibrates in my hand and I open the new message

_Are you okay? Are you healthy enough to follow to Karaoke Dokie this afternoon? _

What? I recheck the sender and breathe out in relief. It's from Cat. It vibrates again and this time I extra check to make sure that I know who it is from before I read. Just as I hoped, it's from Tori.

_Yeah that would be nice of you. I have to write a report of my choice. But yes please, do come. I'm home around four. _

And I will come… I will. I thought that I had to change my plans for our evening. But now, if it is a report of her choice, I can take her with me to the place I had planned in the beginning. Oh, Cat! I have to reply.

_No I can't. Sorry, another time. _

I receive the reply from Cat extremely fast.

_:(_

And to that there is not much to say. I hate when people send a fucking text with only a smiley. What shall one answer to that? I certainly don't know. I put my phone back in my pocket and turn the key. The engine comes to life and I drive out of our driveway. I've been on our driveway for hours. I didn't even go inside. I know that my mum is home. And I really didn't feel like talking to her right now (I never feel like talking to her). But I actually rather talk to her than to my dad. He is too busy with his new life anyways, his new wife and her stupid yappy little dog.

I drive around aimlessly for hours. I look at the clock on the instrument panel and a knot grows inside my stomach when I see that the clock just struck four. I begin to drive towards Tori's house and the knot tightens. I'm not sure if it is because I don't want to see her or if it is because I want to see her.

I drive up on their driveway and turn off the engine. I take a deep breath before I get out of the car. I walk up to the door and don't even consider knocking. I see Tori through the window sitting by the kitchen table and consider that it is safe to step inside uninvited. I open the door and Tori looks up when I enter through the door. First she looks surprised and then her expression changes to a satisfied smile and my knot disappears.

"Have you ever heard of knocking?" She asks and gets up from the chair.

I turn up my palms and smile with closed eyes as I say "Yes, yes I have actually."

I walk towards her and we meet half way between the kitchen table and the front door. She opens her arms even before we reach each other. And for some strange reason I don't even reflect before I let myself get embraced by her arms wrapping around me. I like the feeling of hugs (don't tell anyone I just told you that). And at the same time I hate them. I hate how they make you feel safe, because I know that safety and promises means nothing. But I can't help that I am giving in to the safety of Tori's embrace. After all, I had promised myself to give this friendship thing a go. And I don't break promises, not even the once I promise to myself. Broken promises hurt. I learnt that the hard way.

"So are you ready to help me?" She asks with her mouth close to my ear. She breaks free and walks back to her homework lying on the table.

I walk after her "I know somewhere to go."

"Well that'll have to wait. I have my homework to do. Remember?" She taps her temple with her finger as she sits down and immerses herself into the paper in front of her.

"No, right now" I drag away the paper from under her nose. "Let's go!"

"I have a report that is due tomorrow! I need you to help me finish this!" She complains and drops her head onto the table with a thud and she lets out a frustrated growl.

I chuckle. I have a plan. I lock my fingers around her hand and drag her out of the kitchen chair. "I know. And I'm going to help you make the best report that has ever been made." I smile mysteriously and wiggle my eyebrows. Before Tori answers I drag her with me out of her house and drop her off by my car. I let go of her hand and walk around to the driver seat. I open the door and look at her over the tin roof. "Jump in. Let's make your report."

She looks at me with wide eyes "How?" her voice reveals that she is suspicious.

"Just get in Vega!"

Without further ado she jumps into the car and closes the door behind her. I look over at her and smirk. The response I get is a nervous but kind smile.

I know that it takes a while to drive to our final destination. But Tori doesn't know.

"Where are we going?" Tori asks after a few quiet minuets.

"Out of town" I answer with a bland voice. "Are you scared?" I know that is a stupid question. But I had to ask. Last time I drove her I freaked her out so bad that she jumped out of the car in the middle of nowhere.

"No." She answers quickly. But after a few seconds she slowly says "… maybe a little." I shake my head at her, typical, Tori-behavior.

"You don't have to be. I'm not gonna kill you." I say sarcastically. Why would I? I was the one who asked her if she wanted to hang out with me this evening. Well, asking was a bit of an underestimation. To be honest, I forced her rather than asked. But she was the one who said yes. So I'm not all to blame.

"No, I know. But why are we driving out of town?"

Shall I tell her the truth? Shall I tell her that it is because I want to start all over with this new friendship thing and that I don't want to hang out on places where we already have been? Shall I tell her that I want a new start and a new chance? I know it is weird and that a different place won't change that much. But at least it changes my perspective and it feels better for me. But I feel weird about telling her. "Just a bit more fun." I hear how the words slip out of my mouth before I can stop them. Well now it is to late…

"Yeah… You know, I'm glad you asked me to hang out with you. It's fun." Tori sounds a bit hesitant.

"What can I say, I am a great person." I sound priggish and I feel how Tori softly punches me in my arm with her fist as she lets out a soft laugh.

"…. You still haven't answered my question. Why do you hate-"I hear how she stops herself and clears her throat. "Why did you hate me?" She corrects herself. That means that she believes I don't hate her any more, which on the other hand is true. I squeeze the steering wheel with both my hands as I tense up at the question. It brings me back to last week, detention. The moment I started to feel weird about Tori, although I still do. For some reason it has just gotten harder and harder to resist the temptation to give in to her friendliness.

"You didn't answer why you hated me back." I say. It is easier to avoid a question with a counter-question.

"I did, remember? That's because I think that you are a nice person-"

"Well you don't know me at all!" I sputter back. I instantly regret it and close my eyes as I take a deep breath. Then I lock my eyes on the road. My reaction is based on my life philosophy, which is that no one knows me and no one ever should, it's a way to defend myself. If they know me, they can hurt me…

"No I don't… but I would really like to." Tori sounds a bit taken aback. "Now, can you answer my question?" Her silk soft voice is friendly and soft. I don't know how she does it, how she can stay calm even if she gets screamed at, even though she can fight back. But she chooses her fights which I have never been able to do.

"It's because you are so… perfect. And you have everything." I turn my head to face her. Her deep brown eyes meet mine. Her eyebrows are crooked and her eyes reflect despair. She looks something between unconvinced and sad.

"I have far from everything and I'm not perfect." She says softly.

"Yes you are! You have the talents, friends, kindness and a family that supports you. You have people who care about you!" I snap at her. She should be grateful. She has everything I don't, everything I would sell my soul for (not that my soul is worth that much). "Sorry…" I apologize for that fact that I snapped at her. After all, it's not her fault. "It's just that… My family has never supported me in my works." I bite my lower lip and stare at the passing view in front of me.

"…Well, I support you." I turn to look at Tori. She smiles a friendly smile at me and then I feel the weight of her hand on my arm. I look down and she begins to stroke her thumb over my skin, leaving goosebumps in its tracks.

She makes it so hard not to like her. I nod to myself as I agree with the thing I said the first time she asked me why I hated her.

_That everything would have been so much easier if she hated me back. That way I would not have to try so hard to hate her. She would have made it a breeze. _

* * *

**A/N: **It's hard not to like Tori, right? If I had been Tori I would have been scared like shit that Jade would kill me or bury me alive. I mean, last time Jade drove Tori, Jade had a shovel in the backseat. That is something to be suspicious about… Don't worry though. I won't bury Tori… alive! No I'm just kidding with you. I promised you two chapters this week. Didn't I? And here you are _the second chapter for this week_. Be proud of me.

You don't know how much it means to me to get responses from you guys. Thanks to everybody that reviews, follows, likes and favorite this story. I'm sitting and looking in my mailbox for new notifications and every time there is one from I give out a small squeak. I bet my classmates think that I am pretty weird by now.


	10. Chapter 10 - Shimmering Rain

**Chapter Ten**

_**[Tori]**_

"A taco truck?" I stare at the truck in front of me. It's not that I'm not hungry… I just didn't expect this. Were we driving for almost an hour, for this?

"Yeah a taco truck." Jade says in a patronizing way as I see how she walks around the car to stand beside me. "I figured that you must be hungry since I practically dragged you away from home right after school. And they have the best taco ever. You can make a report about this." I watch Jade as she smiles at me. And automatically I feel warm inside and smile back. I have noticed how she smiles at me more often now a days.

I chuckle slightly "A report about taco?"

Jade rolls her eyes at me and I feel how she takes my hand. Her cool long fingers wrap around my hand and I feel how a shiver runs up along my arm and sends out a chocked gasp between my lips. I don't know why I'm reacting like this. It's just Jades hand… in my hand. Have I reached my goal now? Does she still hate me? If not, then I have reached my long desired friendship.

Jade smiles unconcerned at me "It's extremely good. C'mon." She walks with me towards the taco truck on the other side of the small street. We took left, off the highway and we ended up in this small town. It doesn't look like a suburban but it's not too fancy either. Two big muscle men stand in front of us in the line as we approach the truck. On one of them I can see a tattoo sleeve continuing up under his t-shirt. I tense up and the distance between me and Jade grow as I slow down. If I had been all alone I wouldn't even have walked close to the taco truck. But suddenly I feel Jades hand squeezing mine and a sense of calm washes over me. We go and stand behind the two men and Jade lets go of my hand that now feels cold and naked.

"Next!" A voice with a great noticeable accent makes me look up. A man with mustache from inside the truck hangs out with his upper body through a counter window.

Jade walks up to the truck "Two taco plates" she looks over her shoulder at me and says "One's for you".

I smile at her and watch as she begins to search in her wallet. Oh yeah, money. I quickly grab my wallet to check for money. But a harsh voice interrupts my searching "Don't you dare Vega." I look up and Jade smirks at me. She turns back and hands some money to the man in the truck who gives her two paper plates with taco. She walks back towards me and as she passes she adds "This is on me".

Astonished, I catch up with her and walk by her side to a bench a few yards from the food truck. She sits down and looks up at me with a questioning look on her face. "So, are you gonna sit down or not?" I shake my head to snap out of my own world in to reality. But this is awfully close to a dream.

"Thanks."

Jade hands me one of the plates with a content smile "No problem Vega." She places the other plate in her lap. Then she looks up at me from underneath her hair draping down like a curtain over her face, her blue eyes piercing through her curls of hair "After all, I'm the one who dragged you along."

"I don't mind." I twitter "Next time I'll take you somewhere". Jade chuckles quietly and I instantly begin to feel scared. I pretty much always do when Jade chuckles kind of mysterious. I mostly feel scared because I think that she's making up a plan to kill me or something. But then I remember that we are out having dinner together and she hasn't shown any indications on murdering me. Just old reflexes I guess. Now when I think about it, Jade's voice is extremely beautiful and smooth. Not frightening at all.

I take a bite from my taco and it all becomes clear to me. I totally understand why Jade said that they have the best taco ever, because they certainly have. I chew and feel how the rich, spicy flavors marry in my mouth. It's called food-orgasm. "This definitely is-"I begin with my mouth full.

"Look at that!"

I look up and see that Jade is pointing at something in front of us on the road. I follow the direction of her outstretched arm and almost suffocate on my food as I see a humongous rat running along the sidewalk.

"Haha, you aren't scared, are you?" Jade chuckles out as she looks at me.

Well, she can look at me with as much disbelief as she'd like. I'm busy trying to cough up my food that is trying to slide down the wrong way, down my trachea. I want that stupid rat to go and bother someone else. It totally ruined my wonderful taco. I cough and spit all over the place with my limbs flying all around me. Then I feel how Jade moves closer, I feel her leg touching my leg. Why? The bench is very long so isn't she sitting unnecessarily close to me. Not that I mind… I'm just concerned that I might punch her in her face. Just as I think the thought-

"Ouch!" Jade spins around over her shoulder with her hand over her face. I place both my hands over my chest to prevent them from punching her again as I cough out "I'm so sorry!" I try to reach out to her. But my repeating coughs automatically make me pull back my hand to get more force in the coughing area. I breathe heavily and I feel how I run out of air. I bend over as the air inside my lungs runs out. This is starting to become very hard and painful. My eyes tear up and I feel tears rolling down my cheek…

Jade sits back up and places one steady hand on my shoulder. She snakes her other straight across my back and places it on my other shoulder. "Calm down Vega." With a strong grip she holds me down and forces me to breathe slowly. "It was just a rat." I think that she smirks at me, I'm not sure. My eyes are all teary and all I can see is blurry lines. But I smile. I smile to tell her that I'm all right, although that rat did scare the heck out of me.

I hear how Jade chuckles. I calm down, my heart stops racing and my breathing comes back to normal. The two steady hands on my shoulders loosen and carefully slide off. She moves away from me and creates a gap between us. My whole side, before warm by Jades body heat, is now cold.

"I know. I'm fine." My voice is low even if I try to speak up. As if I still have something in my throat.

"Yeah, but you did freak out." Jade crumples her paper plate together and aims it right at me. Chocked I squeak and bend over. I look at the crumpled up plate as it flies over me and lands swiftly inside the garbage bin beside the bench. She had planned that, hadn't she…?

I finish my taco and feeling satisfied I throw away the paper plate. "Oh my, that was the best taco ever." I sigh and pat my tummy with my hands in a smug way.

"I know." Jade crosses her legs and hangs over the bench with her back and lets her head droop down. Her hair falls down and it looks like soft black silk. I can't restrain myself and twist my back to touch her hair. It is something about hair that I love (note, on the head). You know thick, fluffy, luscious hair. My fingers slide through locks of her hair that is so beautiful and soft. It makes me think of hair in commercials. You know hair that looks so soft and smooth that it's almost humanly impossible. I feel watched and look at Jade's face and find that she looks at me with a smirk. "You look utterly amazed." She uses the tone she uses when she is mocking me, mimicking a girl from the 1950's (not that I sound that way).

I pull back my hand and sit up straight. "I'm sorry". It feels as though I have vandalized her personal space. Self-conscious I transfer my hair to one side, leaving the side of my face towards Jade free. Jade sits up too "Why?" she raises her eyebrows "I think it is quite soothing when people touch my hair." She smiles at me. "Not that I ever let anyone do it though". Jade rolls her eyes. Once again she makes me feel special, this time for letting me touch her hair.

She turns her back towards me and pulls her legs up on the bench. Looking over her shoulder at me she says "Please continue, it's nice."

My inside explodes. She gives me special permission, access to her hair (I know it's just hair. But it's Jades). Feeling like a child on Christmas day I let my fingers curl around strings of her black hair and I hear how Jade sighs. "You have beautiful hair, you know." I say, mostly for myself, to the back of her head.

"I know" Jade says lofty and adds a gentle laugh in the end.

One drop turns into a hundred. Soft rain falls down from the sky ceiling above us, soaking everything in a matter of seconds. Jade turns around on the bench and faces me with a smirk. She looks up and studies the sky with squinting eyes. "Now I am sorry."

"Well, I hope that you didn't plan the rain." I say dramatically.

Jade frowns "No."

"Then it's ok. I actually like rain." I hold up my palm to the sky and feel how the tiny drops patter against my skin. "I'm just happy that you wanted to hang out with me." I smile at her. On our way here she told me more about herself then I could have ever hoped for. I feel like I'm getting to know her.

Her eyes flicker and it looks as though she wants to say something. I lean forward to encourage her to speak (not that Jade ever needs encouragement to speak her mind). "I like to hang out with you. I really do." She smiles shy at me. I can't take my eyes of her face. She looks so vulnerable and sweet, not like the Jade I knew from before. More like the Jade I always knew she was inside. "It feels as though I can be myself with you." she smirks and the more known confident Jade appear in front of me. But I like her just as much.

The rain surrounding us creates a shimmering wall around us, a room that fits only us. It feels special, like suddenly it's only us two and nothing else matters. "You can." I smile.

"I hated you." Jade's voice is dry.

I get a bit taken aback by the unexpected change of the tone in her voice. "Oh wow, that was direct." I say in lack of other good lines.

"But I don't think I do that anymore…" Her voice softens and drags me back in her grip. I don't know how she does it. I look at her damp face and drenched hair. Her eye makeup has drained down her cheeks and her hair is heavy from the rain. Like a drenched cat and still extremely beautiful. There is something about her. She exudes something that I can't put into words, something that makes it impossible for me to stop looking at her. I reach out and let my fingers comb through her hair, still soft as silk.

Jade's eyes look deep into mine, piercing me. It feels as though she can look straight into my soul. I feel her fingertips trace my jaw before they fall down in her lap. Her fingers leave my skin burning even though it's raining. The rain can't seem to put out the fire. What is happening to me?

_She's like a drug, once I get a little I want more. _

* * *

**A/N: **Is it just me or did the whole story just change mood with a whole lot more tension in the end? I know that you might think that this is progressing painfully slow (someone even told me). But I promise that there is more tension between them to come. I want it as much as you do. So tense up!

You don't want to know what the clock is. I should be in bed by now because it's school tomorrow, a new week and new things to do. Let's just hope that I can find more time for writing than I have this past week…

I know that you are reading this so please give me some feedback.


	11. Chapter 11- Absent

**Chapter Eleven**

_**[Jade]**_

"Jade?"

"Jade!?"

"Jade are you listening to me?!"

The soft, dark voice that belongs to Beck brings me back to his RV. I don't know what I was thinking. Was he talking to me? What…? I'm sitting leaned against Beck on his bed "What?"

"How are you? You've been acting quite strange lately." His arm around my shoulders gently tugs me closer to him as he talks close to my ear.

I have? Have I? Yes I have! But he has nothing to do with the fact that I have been thinking about Tori. She is bugging my mind and it's so weird but she can't seem to leave my brain alone. I sit up straight. His arm falls off me as I turn around to face him. "What? I've been acting like I usual."

"No, not really" I watch him as he itches his scalp and grinds his teeth.

"Okay, what then?" I sputter out the question at him. My way of talking to him burns holes on my inside. Why am I feeling offended by the question when I know I have been acting strange?

He looks at me with a gentle and calm gaze. He tries to calm me down, I know that. Usually it works. Usually it works fine. But now… something feels different. With a sincere tone in his voice he says "It's like you haven't been around. You haven't answered my calls. You've barely spoken to me and we don't hang out as often as we used to. This is the first time you have had a conversation with me since last week!" He is upset. I can hear it. He is hurt. I can feel it. He sighs as he continues "And even now, it doesn't seem as though you want to be here…" I feel my legs disappearing under me (they are falling asleep). I just sit there on my legs and just look at him.

Oh what does he know?! The scary thing is that I know that I have been pretty absent. But I don't want him to know. It feels wrong being here but it also feels wrong to be where I want to be. I want to be with… Tori. No! Stop thinking! Jade, what the fuck are you doing?!

"I have?"

"Yes you have" He straightens up and sits down right in front of me on an arm's length distance. "What's going on?"

I don't know. I don't know… Never since last week has Tori left my mind. I cherish every moment I have spent with her, every laugh we have shared. She makes me feel happy and she makes me feel safe, like I have someone to lean on. For some reason it feels as though I can tell her everything. It used to be like that between me and Beck. But something is not the same. I see him in front of me, I can hear him breathing and I feel his hand curling a lock of my hair. It's like I'm alive but not there, like I see everything through fog. When he touches my hair I instantly think about Tori, her hands playing with my hair. Why is she infecting every single one of my thoughts? Push them away, just push them away Jade.

"Nothing is going on!"

I remember the first time I met Beck. He had been the only one I could rely on, the only one that wanted to hang out with a corrupt soul like me. I held him close to me because I needed someone to hold on to, someone I knew wouldn't leave me. He told me he loved me. I needed him so I told him I loved him too. And I did, or so I thought, or did I? I don't know what love is… How does falling in love feel? Is it like, when you find a good friend? What is the difference? But now, when I think about it, I never knew if I loved him or fell in love with him. He has always been a rock for me to lean on. I have probably always taken him for granted… What is love? Everything is so messed up, my soul is breaking because for the first time ever I think that I'm questioning if whether I'm I love with beck or not. I love him, I really do... I think? (As I've already told you, I'm far from sure about what love is…).

"Do you love me?" He is tensing up at my words. His eyes shift between my eyes, searching for my motive to my question. I scared him. He is scared.

With a nervous and insecure laugh he replies "Of course I do I-"

Affectionate, he leans closer to me. But I can't meet him half way and sink into his chest. I'm shying back as he is moving towards me. '_Of course_ 'Love is not, '_of course'_! It is hard for someone like me. If he tells me the he loves me I still haven't gotten an answer to what love is. "-how do you know?!" Desperate, torn apart, confused and frightened. All the feelings bubble up at once, and I hate it. I feel vulnerable. I want to burst out in tears and cry and scream for help. And the only one I want to see me cry is Tori. I want her to be close to me. Wait, what? No I don't want her here… yes, I do.

Beck is confused. Not as confused as I am though (no one can be as much of a mess as I am right now). He sighs "Because I can't stop thinking about you and I want you to be near me all the time. I care for you." He crawls up to me and I sit there, letting him embrace me, allowing myself to disappear in his arms.

I love him. I love him. I love him.

"I love you." He mumbles into my hair. I feel how his breath warms up my scalp and I close my eyes and just think. It's quiet… so quiet, time has stopped.

I love him. I love him… I'm not sure if this is my true feelings seeping through and all my true emotions making themselves heard, or if it is my way of talking myself into it. Wait? Am I questioning whether I love Beck or not? No, that's not it. I'm just tired. I just have my 'feeling lonely and hated' period, they come and go. During those I need confirmation, so this is normal... But something feels different.

Everything is so far away. Everything feels strange. His hands on my back don't feel the same, nor does his attempt to calm me down by soothingly sway both of us. I can't think straight, the air in the RV doesn't seem like enough, I'm suffocating. I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here. I need to get out. I can't stand the strained mood lying between us. I don't like when it feels like this, when it feels as though Beck is so far away from me. I don't feel anything. Usually I feel calm, loved and relaxed when I'm with Beck. But now everything feels forced. I hate it. Why am I feeling this way? I want to feel love!

Tears burn behind my eyelids. I hate the feeling of tears scalding me from the inside. I need to get away from here, from Beck. "I've got to go." I press myself away from Beck with my hands against his chest. I get off the bed and storm out of the RV.

Air… Cool night air and cool night breezes traveling across the street, grabbing my hair and filling my nostrils. I breathe in, a deep and long breathe. When I breathe out again it feels as though most of the fog inside my brain lifts, leaving my head clear.

I get into my car and turn the key and drive out from his driveway. The tears that have been waiting to seep through, despite my protests, roll down my cheeks. I glance up into the rear view mirror and meet my own red, burning eyes. I quickly look away. I don't want to see myself crying. Something is desperately wrong with me. No, I'm probably just tired. I must be so fucking tired because I can't even hold myself together (which is very unusual). Why does nothing feel the same anymore? Why can't I feel myself? I'm a walking zombie and I don't know what is wrong. A doctor, please, anybody?

It's dark inside our house, like the night that creeps up on me and like the complete darkness that fills me. I'm not scared of the dark. But the darkness inside me confuses me, I can't see inside of myself anymore. I don't know where to go. Unusual? No. But somehow, yes.

I don't even bother to take my boots off as I steer my steps towards my bedroom. I walk through our living room in hope to see her. I slow down and walk in slow-motion past our big grey sofa. Thanks to the moonlight shining through the big windows I can see her. I knew she was here, my mum. I stop and just look at her. She is lying sprawled out on the sofa, still wearing her blazer and pen skirt. Her eyes are closed and dark (her make-up is still on).

"Had a rough day?" I whisper out to the silence that responds me.

She always has a tough day. And according to her I never have one, ever. Catherine's deep breaths make her chest peacefully rise up and fall down. I actually like watching her sleeping. She always dozes off in the sofa when she comes home from work. Whenever I speak to her we argue. The only time I can induce myself to not see her as the terrible excuse for a mother she really is, is when she's asleep.

I sigh and walk up to the coffee table by the sofa and take the, almost empty, wineglass. Out of habit I walk straight to the kitchen, I'm not even bothering to turn on the lights. I empty the wineglass in the sink and rinse the glass before I place it upside-down on the drainer. I place both my hands on the kitchen counter. I shift my weight to my hands and sigh.

I don't get her. Why is it that she finds calm when she is drinking? Why is she choosing her job and the alcohol before me? I need her (well not really). But I sometimes want to need her. I would like to get appreciated at times. But it is what it is… after all, I have Tori. (And Beck, but I think I need some time to think before I can see Beck again. You know, gather myself together). Tori is my friend now and isn't that what friends are for, keeping your mind off hard stuff and to talk to?

I sigh and walk to my bedroom. I cast one last glance at my mum sleeping in the sofa.

I hate her. Oh how I hate her…

And I love Beck. Do I love Beck?

And I need Tori. Do I need Tori?

No, I don't want to need her. But I think I do. I want to hang out with her. The way I feel when I'm with her… I have never felt like that with anyone before. I want to get all of this confusion out of my head. I need to put my mind on something else.

I pick up my phone. In complete zombie mode I try to occupy myself. I look down in my hand. I see my phone and a number on the screen, Tori's number. Shall I call her? I want to talk to her. I need someone to talk to. And Tori is the only one right now that I can talk to without it feeling forced. I want to laugh and act as though it's only us again. Like that time in the rain…

I press the dial button. Without picking up my phone to my ear I watch my phone as it is calling.

"Jade?" A sleepy voice crackles out. I can hear her voice even from half a meter. It's in the middle of the night. She was sleeping. Great Jade, now you can feel guilty for a while.

I hold my phone to my ear. "Sorry, did I wake you up?"

She laughs slightly "Sort of, it's okay. Want to talk?" She is a saint. I knew it. I am one hundred percent sure that if someone would have called me when I slept I would scream some kind of threat and then hang up.

* * *

**A/N:** Now, Jade's mind is a mess…

I dedicated this chapter to Jade's inner conflicts and thoughts. I hope that you don't mind.

Please tell me what you make out of Jades thoughts.


	12. Chapter 12 - Analytical

**Chapter Twelve**

_**[Tori]**_

I'm a sleepwalker, first class and top notch. A late night doesn't do it for me. I need my eight hours of sleep to function. But Jade called me in the middle of the night. At first I thought that it was my alarm clock going off, but then I looked at the screen and saw that it was Jade. Butterflies had appeared and I had gotten warm on the inside. She didn't want to talk about anything in particular all she wanted was to talk… just talk. She asked a few weird questions about love though. But mostly we laughed and just talked about everything between heaven and earth. It was nice and I didn't mind at all. If I could decide I would talk to Jade every night. I can't believe how easy it is to talk to Jade. It feels like she gets me. For no reason, small butterflies begin to swoop around in my stomach when I think about Jade. She chose to call me when she needed to talk. She needed to talk and called me, of all people. Is it wrong that I'm feeling special? I want to call Jade right now and just talk to her. It feels so natural, like I was designed to be with her. I can't stop thinking about her and every time I do my stomach aches, maybe because of the butterflies? The skin on my cheek is still fervent since Jade's fingertips touched me.

I look around myself, lots of students but no Jade. Either she's sick or late… or just ditching school all together. She hasn't been here all week (not that that much of the week has passed). I want to know why. Has something happened to her? The fact that she called me in the middle of the night makes me sort of suspicious.

I throw away a text to her.

_Where are you? Has something happened?_

"Tori?" Cat's high pitch voice brings be back to reality. But even a sound as bright as Cat's doesn't seem to wake me up completely. There is still a wall between me and her waving hand in front of my face.

I try to get out a word, it doesn't work. I press and press but nothing comes out. So I smile a strained smile at Cat to reassure her that I heard her and know that she is here. I clear my throat and try to talk once more. "Hi Cat." My voice is sleepy, dark and slow.

Cat bounces up and down in front of me and the smile on her face is unnaturally wide. Her energy seems to suck out the little of what is left of my own energy. What is up with her? She seems unusually happy, even to be her. She wants me to ask what it is. I can tell by her delicate but so desperate way of pleadingly looking at me. "What is it Cat, why are you so happy?"

"Oh Tori!" She exclaims with a dreamy voice. "I'm in love!" Her voice cracks in the end of the sentence mainly because of the high tone she took in her singing exclamation.

Is she in love? With who? "Who is it?" I sound more bored than I meant to. But I'm so tired. That's my excuse, my very bad but very true excuse.

"Oh he is the best guy ever!"

I'm interested in this, I really am. At least that is what I'm trying to convince myself. "Where did you meet him?"

"Last Friday at Karaoke Dokie, we sang a duet." Cat's dreamy voice complements her flickering gaze.

Wow, one night and now she's in love. She is not for real. No one can fall in love after one night. Okay, maybe Cat is an exception. But my experience tells me that you can't. Not that I'm really sure how it feels, falling in love. I always wondered how it feels. I can feel attraction and curiosity… but love? No, I'm not sure. I have probably felt it at some point but I can't make up my mind unless I know for certain. I look at her. "How do you know that you are in love? It was only one night."

Her eyes widen and her smile broadens (if that's even possible). "You would so get it if you were me." She sways back and forth on her feet with her hands joined together in front of her. "You know, I can't stop thinking about him. And every time I do I get small butterflies in my stomach. He is special and his touches make my skin burn…" Her voice dies out and she looks up in the ceiling with a tilted head.

I chuckle quietly. She is unbelievable. "Ok Cat…" now it's my voice that dies out. It dawns on me, slowly but steady. My thoughts wander off to… Jade. Why am I thinking about her? I know why I'm thinking about her. I can recognize every feeling Cat just told me about and draw connections to when I'm thinking about… Jade. It's not right, I must be very tired. That must be it.

"Oh, our class has begun!" I watch Cat as she skips off. I follow her in a slow pace.

Jade…

There they are again, the butterflies. I push them away and corner them in a deep dark place inside of me and lock them in. Hopefully they won't bother me again… I walk with heavy steps after Cat. I still wonder were Jade is. My phone, still in my hand, burns as I wait for an answer. But something tells me that Jade won't reply. If she isn't here it is because of a reason she doesn't want anybody to know about. It is after all Jade we are talking about. I just hope that we still are friends. The class goes slowly by and then lunch starts. I'm not really there, I'm too tired to function and everything feels very absent (or maybe that's only me…?). I am now entitled to call myself a tired zombie.

"Tori? ... Tori?" Andre's voice pulls me back to reality by puncturing my bubble.

I shake my head to regain consciousness and look around the asphalt café. It's only me and him there from out little group of friends. Where are the others? I look down on the table and find that I still have my food left, stuffed on my black plastic plate. I glance over to André and notice that his food is gone and his garbage is nicely stacked.

"Tori?"

I jerk and spit out "What?" too fast and too slurry.

Andre begins to breathe slower and louder, probably too calm me down (or himself for that matter). I realize now, afterwards, that I even stressed myself up. But that is what usually happens when you sit and think about something else and are not really present and then suddenly someone snaps you out of it.

"Where are the others?" I hear how tired my voice sounds, a perfect mirroring to my true state.

"They left just now." He takes his right hand and points to his left and looks, over his arm, between me and the direction his finger points." Are you ready to go?"

I'm getting it slow. I look between my food, André and his finger. And I can just feel how stupid I must look. But I am too tired to make a move or say anything, or make a decision. André takes his arm down and leans forward with raised eyebrows. "How are you Tori?"

He asked me a question… He asked me a question. A question! A question! Damn it Tori, answer! I open and close my mouth in an attempt to say something but all that comes out is an annoying gorging sound. I probably look like a fish gasping for air out of water. God damn it! How hard can it be? It feels as though minutes have passed, but I'm sure it has only been like a few seconds before I manage to get out "Nothing, I'm just tired…"

"Are you sure? You are white as a sheet…"

"I'm sure…" I get up and take my food (still not finished) and wobble away to the garbage bin where I dump it all.

"Okay." Behind me I hear how André lets it go of his worries. Maybe not really letting go forever, but at least for now.

Last class for today swoops by both painfully slow and excessively fast. I am not really sure what to make of it since I wasn't really attentive during class… My thoughts are still slow and all I can see is people, like shadows, disappearing behind the front doors.

I feel how I fall, down towards the floor. Oh my, I'm gonna hit the floor! I see myself fall and hit the stone floor with a bang and I see blood all over the scene… Suddenly I stop in the air. Astonished, I look down to find that my foot hindered my fall by taking a step out. Slowly I realize what happened as I feel an imprint of a hand on my back. Someone pushed me.

"Are you ready to go little sis?" … And now I know who it was.

I tilt my head back to let out something between a deep sigh and a growl as I begin to walk after Trina. She is not even funny to have around, not even close…

The car window on the passenger side is cool against my temple. But it vibrates something awfully and my head bounces like a Ping-Pong ball as the car drives forward. My eyelids are heavy as though someone glued tons of lead on them. My consciousness slowly sinks down to zero… I am just about to drift off and-

"Are you tired?" With a pitying voice Trina succeeds on bringing me back to the car. A compressed groan, that seems to come from deep inside my throat, escapes me.

"Yeah… please let me sleep" I mumble out, almost inaudible.

I want to sleep. Trina doesn't care because she pokes me on my arm with her finger as she enthusiastically exclaims "But we're home. Get out I want to lock the car."

I don't want to move… but my bed seems quite tempting. I put in my last ounce of strength and drag myself into the house. My first thought is to walk right upstairs and throw myself on my bed. But after a few seconds of thinking I come to the conclusion that it might be better if I try to stay awake and sleep when I'm supposed to, instead of getting out of sync (it's school tomorrow after all). I take a deep breath through my mouth and instantly I feel how it dries up. Water! I steer my steps towards the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Trina comes out from the bathroom and sinks down in the sofa. I see how she relaxes and sinks even further down. With a big sigh she turns on the TV with the remote in her hand, adorned with pink nails and a gigantic silver ring with blue stones.

I take a sip from my water as I inspect Trina. The cool water runs along my throat and a small cold drop finds its way out from my mouth and travels down my lower lip and continues rolling down my jaw, leaving a wet track in its way.

Trina is actually quite pretty. (I know that she is irritating) but I really think that she is pretty. The only problem is that she thinks so too and even a bit more than so. That sort of overshadows her prettiness and all you can think of is her extremely annoying ego. I was going to think personality instead of ego. But the thing is that her personality is quite nice and sweet (when it's not taken over by her humongous ego).

"How did it go with John last week?" I ask as I remember that I haven't asked her about that earlier. I am quite shocked that she hasn't spoken about him herself.

Trina looks up at me and smiles a light smile "It turned out well. I'm positive that he'll call back." Her confidence is breathtaking, so typical her.

I sigh and put my empty glass down on the kitchen counter and decide that it's time for me to go up to my room (I will sleep, but I'm not trying to think of it, just to escape from my guilty conscience. I just don't have the willpower to stay awake any longer). "Just... don't get your hopes up." I call over my shoulder as I take on the stairs. I'm just hoping that she won't get hurt again, not that she cares that much. But all of these times… they must have left something inside her, a scar? Probably just a scratch… If John won't call her back, well, let's just say that it wouldn't be the first time Trina scared a guy and made him run away with his feet on his back.

* * *

**A/N: **Cat's in love and Trina seems to have a thing for this John guy. You haven't forgotten him from chapter four, have you?

It's school tomorrow and I am awake… But here we go the second chapter for this week. Be proud of me, I'm proud of me. But I'm also tired. But I can't sleep… I watch too much series.

Go ahead and leave me a review on this story. And while you're at it, tell me what series you like to watch. Hopefully I'll find something else to keep me awake at night.


	13. Chapter 13 - By My Side

**Chapter Thirteen**

_**[Jade]**_

Thursday and I still don't feel fit for school. I have not been there since Monday, that's not like me at all even if some might think that I'm the one that ditch school every now and then. But their impression of me is all wrong. But a badass image is not that bad to have just in case. It's just that I haven't been feeling that well. I twist and turn under the duvet, the sheets curling and lumping underneath me. I pull the duvet over my head and open my eyes and stare into the darkness. My own breath warms up the air around my face and the air gets stuffy and hard to breathe in. With a gasp I deduct the duvet off me and the cool air smoothly fills my lungs. Outside I am met by headlights. I blink to the ceiling to accustom my eyes to the bright light falling in through the window in my room.

I grunt "For fuck sake!" I usually never forget to roll down the roller blinds. But that must have totally slipped my mind last night.

I drag myself to the bedside and let my feet fall down onto the floor. I put my fists to my eyes and rub roughly. My neck feels stiff. You know the way it feels after a night's sleep. So I tilt my head to both sides to hear how it cracks in the bones like fireworks. I reach for my phone on the bedside table and carry it with me as I slowly move towards the living room.

The knot in my stomach is now larger than ever and it feels as though I am going to throw up. I don't know when it began to grow inside of me. All I am certain of is that it has become a whole lot more noticeable... and not in a good way.

My phone vibrates in my grip and I pick it up to look at the text that just came to me through cyber space. Two messages are waiting on the screen to get opened. I look at the summing from the most recent one.

_How are you?_

It's from Beck. I don't even open it. I leave it unopened together with the other message that I got from Tori yesterday. I don't want to talk to Beck. I want to talk to him (?!). There is a war going on inside of me. I thought that it had gone to rest but the text from Beck revives the tumult all over again. I remember, and can't stop thinking about, this weekend when we two hung out. It felt so wrong and so strange… so unfamiliar. I can't stand thinking about him. It only makes me sad and angry, sad because it doesn't feel the same and angry because I can't manage to make me feel what I used to feel. He is still so far away from me, and he is only drifting further away.

The knot in my stomach tightens and I push away my thoughts. I'm not sure if staying at home is the best way to keep my mind of everything. Usually, staying at home all alone only gives the thoughts more room and space to invade my mind. And that is the last thing I want.

I sink down in the big sofa a bit dejected. My eyes set on the tall empty wineglass on the coffee table accompanied by the half full wine bottle on its side. Not unusual but still no pleasure to watch. I sigh deeply. I'm not going to do anything about it. She might as well clean up her problems herself, since they are hers and not mine.

I look at the phone screen and my gaze flickers between the texts from Beck and Tori. I think… I think, and then I do what feels the best. I open the text from Tori to send her a message.

_I'm coming over this afternoon. _

A fucking demand... Well that was the best I could muster. I don't want her to think that something is wrong by asking her. That if something would make her suspicious. For some reason it feels as though she is the only one I can be with right now without totally falling apart. I need some time away from Beck. I first need to sort out what is wrong with me, but I can't cope with it right now. At least not alone...

_And I will be right there. _

The words, inside a green speech bubble, shimmer back at me on the screen. I feel relieved and my mouth curves slightly upwards. Tori, the saint, will be there. Something inside me tells me that she is someone I can rely on, someone that will always be there for me. I used to think that Beck was someone that would always be there for me when I needed to talk (and I think that he still is). But if I can't talk to him back... well... then I will not rely on him even if I know that I can. Tori is my friend. Yes, she is my friend... But Cat is also my friend and there are some distinct differences in how I feel about both of them... If friendship is what I have with Cat then what is my relationship to Tori? Well for now I will be satisfied to call her my friend (even if no one really knows it). Like a bit of a secret. I smirk to myself.

I push myself up from the sofa and walk back to my room. The great clock on my wall tells me that it's almost three. Wow! I slept through the whole day and I didn't even notice it. I have been so sure that it was morning, no later than noon... I know for a fact that they quit four a clock today and therefore I have one hour to get ready. To see it from the bright side, I have not had that much time to feel totally lost in my own thoughts by myself today since I slept through most of this day.

I open my black wooden closet and am met by an even darker inside. I love to wear mesh and lace, in black of course. I slip into my black jeans and match them with a black lace top. I glance over at the small shelf with my make-up underneath a mirror. I do my make-up in front of that mirror. But today I don't feel like smearing stuff all over my face. After all, it's only Tori that is going to see me today, and maybe Trina and their parents at the most. And Tori has seen me look more of mess than I do right now. So I don't feel the need to look pretty or dress up for her... which is an odd feeling. Beck is usually the only one that I allow to see me without an ounce of make-up. When I sleepover, for example at Cat's (which I never do willingly by the way), I fall asleep with my make-up on... mainly because I am lazy...

16:13, the digital clock on the dashboard go dark as I turn off the car. I sigh and get out of the car and walk straight to Vega's front door. Something about being in their front yard, and knowing that Tori is inside, makes me feel all calm inside. But I know that it's just the calm before the storm. But it can't get much better than this right now as I can see it.

I storm inside (I'm not for acting decent) and scan the living room and the connected kitchen for Tori. She is nowhere to be found... I quickly go through all the possible places, she can be in right now, in my mind. I decide to go for her bedroom. And as I turn around the corner, right as I have climbed the stairs, I bump into something hard and at the same time incredibly soft. Whatever, or rather, whoever I just walked into gasped for air and is now breathing heavily with a raised hand.

"Jade?" Tori's chocked voice makes me smirk at her. I found her. It wasn't that hard though, but still... Seeing her makes me feel warm and tranquil. I haven't seen her since Monday. And (though I'm not even admitting it to myself) I have missed her.

I raise one eyebrow and snatch my neck in a confident way "Yes that's me." I have missed her and I have been lacking the comfort I use to have and now I finally feel like I have some order in my life, now when I have Tori right in front of me all shocked and blushed.

"I didn't expect you to come so soon." She sounds surprised yet happy. Thank God for that.

"Sorry about that."

"Well I don't mind" Her arms invite me into a hug. Without further ado I let my arms fold around her tiny frame and I can feel her body heat against me, warming me up. "Come on" for once she is the one to break free from the hug. She takes my hand and leads me back the way she came. Her soft hand forms around mine and it's cold. It's more than cold if you compare it to the rest of her. Without thinking, I begin to gently rub my fingers around her hand to warm it up.

When we walk into her room she stops and looks down. I follow her gaze to our entwined hands. I chuckle when I see how she blushes. "You have really cold hands." I say factually. I'm not sure why, but it feels as though I have to explain myself... Hu, why?

She smiles up at me and slides her hand out of mine and rubs both of her hands together, like you do when it's freezing outside and you realize that you forgot your gloves. "I know... I always have cold hands. I don't know why..." She bumps down onto her bed and leans back against the head end of the bed frame.

"That's not good." I sit down beside her and lean against the light wooden frame too. I stare out through the window right in front of her bed. It's already becoming dark outside. I like this part about autumn. But the rain, the rain I could do without. It's messing up my hair!

It's quiet. I like it so, no need to talk at all. I'm just letting go of all the hard questions that have been screwing with my mind these past weeks. Thoughts about Beck, love, hate, friendship and other hard relationship related questions... The silence gets broken by Tori clearing her throat "How are you Jade?" The question is careful, trying.

"Good."

"No..." I feel how she shakes her head beside me. "Something's up. You haven't been in school once this week."

"Yes I have. I came by this Monday."

"Yeah, and then you left... How are you? What's happening?" She turns her head and looks at me with a concerned look on her face.

I don't know what to say. She has registered that something isn't the way it should. And she is the only one that has expressed any kind of worry for me. Cat never suspects anything more than a light fever and Beck's only concern is about the fact that I have been distant from him... "Why do you ask?" I need to get it confirmed.

She frowns "Because I care about you" she says emphatically. And at her words I get warm. She cares... about me...

"... It's been... tough between me and Beck lately..." the words come out slow. "It doesn't feel the same. I'm not sure I love him..." I hear how Tori holds in a gasp. "... well, I do love him... but not, love him." emphasis on love. Should I tell her that a lot of my confusions also include her? That I am all new to this, friendship, thing and it's making me confused?

I get emotional. No, I don't like it. I close my eyes to prevent the upcoming tears from seeping through. I feel how a cold hand softly snakes its way around my shoulders and holds me tight. That's it... the tears come carefully down one by one. A shred of tenderness is enough to crack me. How low have I sunk?

"It's okay." Tori presses me against her and strokes me on my left shoulder. "I'm here for you."

She is here for me. She is the one I can turn to when I need to talk to someone. I can't believe that I just told her about me and Beck and how easy it was. She makes me feel safe and she's not Beck, which is odd by itself. Maybe that is why I actually like her... because she feels safer, even safer than Beck... No I can't think like that. I don't know why I'm choosing Tori before Beck. But whatever the reason is I must admit... that I enjoy her company more than his. No! Jade stop, you are just making it worse!

"You can stay over tonight if you want to." She whispers out.

I press down my eyelids and, a bit cautiously, I let my head lean on Tori's shoulder as I nod. The respond I get is an even tighter more tender push from her, pressing me closer to her, enclosing me in her arms.

I feel how her cold hand accidentally brushes against mine between us. Her touch sends a cold chill up along my arm and down my spine, mostly because it is cold as ice. I take her hand between my hands and warm it. When I take Tori's hand she tenses up. I look up at her and feel how she relaxes as she begins to blush again. She blushes a lot, and she is really cute when she does. And I'm not even sure about the reason why. It's quite funny anyhow, how she gets so surprised every time I touch her.

I lean my head back onto her shoulder and we sit there in the darkness, the moonlight as the only light source. My eyelids gradually fall down until I drift off, this time with ease. Knowing that Tori is by my side.

* * *

**A/N: **Jade definitely likes Tori more than Beck right now.

I am not living the good life. I have back pain and neck pain and I have no spare time at all. I am trying my best to write for you, I really do, even though it might take some time between the updates.

And I know that you have read this chapter and that you have at least one thought about it. So go ahead, spit it out, criticism or praise.


	14. Chapter 14 - Silence That Speaks

**Chapter Fourteen**

_**[Tori]**_

Her head is heavy on my shoulder and her hands are warm, holding my cold hand. She is so sweet and so vulnerable, why haven't I seen it this clear before? She and Beck are right now going through a rough time and I want to be there for her. I want her to know that she can trust me, because I will never let her down… I like her too much. I hope she likes me back…

Jade's breathing slows down as she drifts away. I look down at her resting on my shoulder. She looks so calm and peaceful. Without thinking I lean over and gently kiss her on her head. The butterflies I fought so hard against, to lock inside and hide, begin to swarm in their small cell. I just hope that the great chain and padlock are enough to keep them enclosed… but I can definitely feel them.

Slowly but steady everything goes black and I rest my head softly on hers before I accompany Jade in the world of dreams.

The sound of sirens snatches me out of my dream. I abruptly gain my consciousness and realize that it is my wake-up alarm. I reach out to the bedside table to turn off my alarm clock. When the constant ringing ends I fall back on the bed underneath the duvet, exhausted as if I just ran a marathon. Slowly yesterday makes itself reminded…. Jade! I quickly turn over to my left and find… no one, she's not here. If I remember correctly I sat with Jade leaning against me on my bed tonight… she fell asleep curled up beside me. But can't recall crawling down underneath the duvet nor her leaving… I sit up and look around the room, as though she could be hiding somewhere (which is a stupid thought by the way). Was it all a dream? I lay my hands on the bed beside me and, to my surprise, it is warm. Jade left recently. She was here, it wasn't a dream, of that I am now certain. But why did she leave? Suddenly I feel empty inside. I feel abandoned (although I'm not surprised, it's Jade after all).

With heavy steps and slow movements I make myself ready for school.

"You've been quite off since yesterday." Trina takes one hand off the steering wheel and firmly, but gently, pushes me in my shoulder "Will you gather yourself together, it's Friday."

"Yeah" Trina has a point. I need to focus and I can't let this thing with Jade take me over completely. There is, after all, a very small chance that she will show up at school today at all. Which might be in my favor… but I really do want to see her though…

As I make my way towards today's first class I look around for Jade. I'm starting to doubt that it is in my favor that she isn't here because now I seem to look for her everywhere. I shake my head at myself and focus down the corridor towards Sikowitz's classroom. I walk inside and when I catch myself scanning the chairs for Jade I grunt loudly. Everybody turns around to look at me. I sigh deeply as I feel how I begin to blush and I sink down on the nearest chair.

I register fast footsteps and suddenly Sikowitz's face is extremely close to mine (he has never had a good perception about others personal space). "Woke up on the wrong side this morning Tori?" His breath smells weird, like an old rug that someone spilled coconut milk on.

I smile as bright as I can "No, I'm just fine."

To that, Sikowitz eyes me unconvinced but then he turns around and walks, back to the small stage in front of the classroom, very close to the floor on bent legs. He looks like a sneaking gorilla…

"Okay young students!" He exclaims as he smashes his hands together. He leans forward and lets his gaze swoop across the room to make sure that we all listen "Today we are going-"He gets interrupted because the door to the classroom opens. I turn around and see that it is Jade coming in through the door. I straighten up and look carefully up at her as she walks into the classroom.

"Jade. You are late." I can barely hear Sikowitz's voice behind me. I'm too focused on Jade and her movements. Unexpected she looks down at me and gives me a quick smile before letting the corners of her mouth droop into a bored expression.

Feeling warm inside, I follow her with my gaze as she sits down on a chair. I have been so afraid that she was going to ignore me. But she gave me a smile, a smile… I look over at Beck to notice that he looks confused at Jade. I look back at Jade and get his confusion. Jade sat down on the opposite side of the room to Beck, next to Cat. Yesterday Jade told me that they were going through a rough time. I didn't really know how serious their problems were until now. Something is definitely not right between them… and the more I study Beck's confused look, the more I wonder if he even knows what the problem is.

I sigh deeply and suddenly I find that I eye Jade longingly. I don't even know why I am longing for her. My blood accumulates in my cheeks as I blush up, feeling my face heat up. What is happening to me? I know that I miss her… Maybe I should ask her to come over tonight? My greatest fear is probably that she will reject my request. But it might be worth a try…

Sikowitz babbles on about something that has got to do with theatre or something. I'm not paying that much attention to what he says. I'm too busy with trying to keep the war inside me, at least, manageable. Not that it seems to be working that well. I don't really register when class is over. All I notice is that everybody stands up and walks out of the classroom. I try to time my walk with Jade's and succeed, so we walk side by side out of the classroom. I want to say something. But the thoughts never turn into words, they stay in my head. I feel Jade's body heat radiating as I walk by her side. It reminds me of last night when she sat so close to me… She doesn't say anything either. I wonder why she left in the middle of the night. It feels tensed between us, but I'm almost positive that that is just me… my own fault.

Jade takes a deep audible inhalation, just as if she is going to say something. But before she actually gets out any words she stops in her action as Beck comes up beside her. I eye them together, trying to find out what the problem is merely by studying them. Beck doesn't do any attempts to touch Jade, not holding her hand nor putting an arm around her shoulder. He looks over at me and smile. I know that he doesn't know the reason I am scanning them, but I feel caught and quickly turn my gaze away to focus on Robbie's back.

"Do you know what the next lesson is Tori?" Beck asks me a question which forces me to look at him to answer it. He smiles at me as he walks a bit tilted forward to look at me even though Jade is walking between us.

"Yeah… We have music." I say, with an unnaturally high voice, and smile unnaturally wide. Beck looks a bit taken aback for a few milliseconds but recovers fairly quickly and smiles gratefully back at me.

Jade doesn't speak to me. But she smiles at me and then sinks down on a chair beside me in music class. I see from the corners of my eyes how Beck sits down beside Jade and how Jade discreet rolls her eyes. Something is definitely up… The lesson is over almost as quickly as it started. It may have to do with my iffy thoughts and absentness.

"And don't forget to choose a song of your choice to perform in front of the class." Our teacher calls out after the disappearing herd of students.

Shit, a song! I had totally forgotten that… I think about it as I follow the pack towards the asphalt café for lunch. I slink down between André and Cat by the table and put my plastic box with food in front of me. I press in my fingers between the lid and the black bottom to yank it open. I feel a light touch on my shoulder and look back. Black hair swoops away with the wind as Jade walks around me. Special, I feel special. It feels as though we have a relationship that no one else can understand. A tiny voice inside me tells me that I can't trust Jade to stick with me forever. But my desire to be with her, be close to her, overpowers the voice so it's barely audible. I can ignore it for now.

"What do you say?"

What? I try to focus on Andrés hand waving in front of my face. "What?" I murmur out as I shake my head to get back to reality.

"I asked if you two wanted to follow to Nozu instead of eating this crap." He demonstratively bends over and throws his lunchbox in the garbage bin beside the table. "Hello?" He punches Jade on her arm and stares with wide eyes at her. He looks between me and Jade with a frown "What's up with you two? You have been all weird lately." He stands up from the table.

It takes a long time for me to process but when I do I realize that there is only me and Jade left sitting by the table. Everyone else is standing around us with the same questioning look as André on their faces. I automatically turn my attention towards Jade and she discreet shakes her head at me with a bland face. I take it as a no then.

"So are you coming?" Robbie is making himself ready to leave by slowly turning around on the spot. "Let's go now, I'm hungry!" Rex complains in Robbie's arms.

That seems to be the end signal. "No." Jade sputters out with an annoyed voice.

"Okay, see you later then." Beck says and gently puts a hand on Jade's shoulder.

But she shakes it off. "Yeah" her irritated voice is clearly noticeable. And no one wants to stay around when Jade's angry. So with all right, they leave me and Jade at the table in a flash.

One question has been torturing my mind since I woke up this morning. Why did she leave me in the middle of the night? But when it comes down to it I don't dare to ask her. I know her too well. If I want to stay close to her I need to play her game. It's her game and I'm just lucky to finally be a part of it. But I still want to ask her over. But I'm not even sure I can do that. I look over at her. She notices that I'm looking and she smirks at me. Okay yeah, I'm going to ask her to come over tonight. Just… let me rephrase it…

"I want you to come over to me after school… but you're not allowed to." I add the last bit with a mischievous smile.

At that Jade chuckles with a wide smile and twinkling eyes. She is so beautiful. Her soft full lips that curves up into a smile that is contagious and so precious, her wonderful penetrating gaze and- NO! I close my eyes to lock her out, trying to keep my thoughts in check (which is tough with the butterflies trying to escape). But I can still hear her lovely voice…

"If I can't come I will show up. You can count on that."

I carefully open my eyes and am met by at her signature smirk and arched pierced eyebrow. I take a deep breath and smile gratefully at her.

* * *

**A/N:** One step back two steps forward.

And by the way, I don't want to have an old rug that smells coconut milk. I prefer my new rug I bought today in town.

As usual, reviews are invaluable.


	15. Chapter 15 - Opposites attract

**Chapter Fifteen**

_**[Jade]**_

"Stop that, you'll mess up my order!" I try to pay enough attention to Tori to grab the CD from her hand without losing my focus on the road ahead of me.

"Okay sorry." Tori lets go of the CD and I put it in the glove box on the car door by my side.

I turn all my focus back to the road as we approach Tori's house. "I like to know where I have my music." I say as an explanation to my outburst. I hear how Tori chuckles beside me.

"You are more pedantic than people think."

"Than people think or than you think?" I reword her statement and throw a quick raised eyebrow at her and purse my lips.

Tori sighs loudly "Okay, than I think. But I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one." Suddenly she begins to twist in her seat as if she were on fire. She pats me on my shoulder in a steady pace as she clears her throat. "Jade… you missed our driveway…"

I turn my head to look back and- "Shit!" I press the brake pedal down in the floor and the car comes to an abrupt halt. I make a U-turn and drive back with my focused set on Tori's house.

With relaxed steps I walk behind Tori up to their front door and wait for her to lock it open.

"No one's home" Tori says as she rustles with the keys in her hand. I'm surprised that no one is home, not even Trina. As far as I can remember Trina has almost always been home after school, that girl doesn't have that many friends does she… Well that is not surprising, giving the thought over how extremely annoying she is. Every time she opens her mouth I want to rip her head off, or mine. Whichever suits me just fine, but I'd prefer hers before mine anyhow.

Tori steps inside and takes off her jacket as I do the same. She leaves me and walks towards the kitchen and looks over her shoulder "Do you want coffee?"

It's like she can read my mind. "Yeah, bl-"

"- black, no sugar. I know." Tori waves one hand in the air as she turns on the percolator. Yeah, she knows me. I smirk to myself as I walk up to her and lean against the kitchen counter. It feels good to be with her again, it's like I can finally breathe after holding my breath. I feel at home, safe and without pressure. There is still one thing I feel like I need to explain to her… Why I left this morning. I'm not even sure she cares, but I do. It feels as though I hurt her. I think that I'm starting to understand how much I mean to her, which is sort of amazing since she means so much to me too… even if I'm totally lousy on showing it.

I can smell the coffee, black and strong. Just the way I like it. I look excited at Tori as she pours up one small cup with milk for her and one big, all black cup of coffee for me. "Here" She hands me the mug and I take it between both my hands and lean my chin on the edge and drag in the lovely scent of coffee with an inhalation. The warm cup nearly scalds my hands. But I like the feeling, the pain that is on the verge of being unbearable.

Tori begins to walk towards the stairs. I suspect that she is on her way towards her room so I follow her as I sip on my coffee. Tori slows down in front of me and lets out a questioning 'hmm' as if she is on her way to say something, like if something is on her mind. I bring the coffee mug down from my lips "What?" I ask and expect an answer. But she continues to walk up the stairs painfully slow and look down. I try to walk around her, but as I'm on my way to pass her she stops.

"What is going on between you and Beck…?" her question is careful and trying.

It stings inside of me. The feeling of being so ambivalent about me and Beck makes itself reminded. I want to tell her how it really is. But I don't think that I can tell her more than I already have, I'm not sure I know more than that myself… even though I wish I did. I chuckle, trying to hide the fact that I am insecure "I've already told you Vega. I just need some time to think, okay?". I look at her serious face that shows a bit of worry.

"Think about what?" her gaze searches in my eyes after more explanations.

"I don't know more than you right now. I wish I did." I take her hand to calm her down. And as I expected she blushes up. I smile as I lead her up towards her room. I prefer to sit down when talking, more relaxed environment you know.

We sink down on her bed and a pain in my chest comes to life. I know that it is guilt… But what she doesn't know is that I didn't want to leave her, I was just being a coward… afraid to commit, I just fled in the heat of the moment and regretted it later…

"You know I'll always be here for you…" Tori assures me as she, a bit awkwardly, reaches out to touch my arm.

Her hand is warm, not cold, warm… and her words calm me down. But I fear that the calm won't last long, soon I will start to doubt it as usual. Jade stop it! Why can't you just relax in the insurance for now? Just live for now, when nothing else matters. I try to convince myself but am pretty sure that I only make it worse. I'm filled with paranoia… I look up at Tori and give her a smile, one of many today. I don't know what is with me. I don't smile towards Tori (well, except for today). Something with seeing her makes me feel confirmed. And that is what everyone wants, right, to feel the feeling of being seen and heard? Her eyes, they rest on me and a soft and gentle smile is calmly set on her lips. If it would have been someone else I would probably have felt very uncomfortable (or knocked the person down before the awkward feeling even begun)… but it is different with Tori, her eyes on me make me feel loved and cared about.

The weird thing is that I'm not even missing Beck when I'm around Tori. "How does it feel to love someone?" Fuck sake Jade, do you doubt?!

Tori frowns, as though she really ponders about it "… you know, I think that it is different depending on who you ask."

"What about you?"

She looks at me for a few moments, her gaze flickering, before she sighs "… you can't wait to see that person, you miss the person every time you're not together. The person makes you feel safe, calm, special and… every touch burns like a never ending fire…" her voice dies out and she looks away from me.

We sit in silence. Tori takes a deep breath and looks up at me with a questioning look on her face "Why? Has this something to do with Beck?"

"I don't know… I just don't really need him right now."

"Are you two breaking up?" Her eyes widen.

"I think I love him though…" This is so weird. I have never talked about feelings with anyone, except for with Beck. But even then it has never felt real, not like this. I have never talked about feelings with another girl… I do think I love him, but I don't need him. If the truth shall be told, I don't even miss him. I never do when I'm with Tori, but I do miss her when she is not around… I don't want to depend on someone. But somehow she drags me down so careful that I don't even realize that I'm falling further down before it's too late. "But I have you." I say and smile at her, at which she smiles back.

I feel how the emotions swell up in me, too much for me to handle. "Let's talk about something else." I say with an aberrant voice.

"Okay sure." Tori smiles at me "I know, let's see a movie!" she exclaims and her smile widens.

She begins to get up from the bed in a hurry, but I grab a hold of her arm to stop her. I'm not going to see another movie of hers (not that I don't like them). If I have to widen my view then she has to do so too. She looks back at me looking like a question mark. I smirk "Yeah, but this time…" I point a finger at myself "… I'm going to pick the movie."

"Okay…" She sounds a bit reserved and eyes me with a suspicious look.

I walk ahead of her and hasten down to the front door and my jacket. I stick my hand down my jacket pocket and fish up a USB. I turn around to see Tori approaching me. I dangle the USB in front of her eyes. "Who would I be to not have my favorite movies of all time with me everywhere I go?" I say with a swanky voice as I look at her a bit lofty.

Tori stops in her tracks and crosses her arms over her chest and eyes me skeptically. "It's The Scissoring, right?"

"You know me very well Vega." I say with the usual voice I use to mock her with, a thick fake southern accent. I spin around and head over to the TV before she begins to protest or say something like 'I don't talk like that'. I smirk to myself as I plug in the USB in the side of their flat screen TV.

The intro, oh how I love the intro to this movie. The dark depressing melody in minor chords played on a piano accompanied with strings to give the music that scary tone. I feel how Tori tenses up beside me in the sofa.

The first scene is a seemingly empty forest, but then, suddenly… Tori grabs my hand and squeezes it, digging her nails into my skin as the girl appears out of nowhere behind a tree. I don't even get surprised any more, mainly considering how many times I have actually watched this movie.

Her soft hand in my hand, her absolutely adorable way of trying to hide behind my back whenever she gets scared, is somehow very sweet. Ugh, sweet… I hate that word. But for some reason it fits on Tori and quite surprisingly, not in a bad way.

I can't help but feeling the absolutely unwanted desire to touch her. I try to shake it off, but the more I think about it the more permanently it sets in my brain. Whatever Jade, just admit it. I wrap my arm around her and feel how she snuggles up close to me. Her body rolled up beside me as she leans her head on my shoulder. Now it is my turn to be the stabile one.

The scissors get stabbed into the pretty girl named Laura's back. Tori gives out small squeaks and presses herself into my side as she uses my hand to shield her eyes. I chuckle "It's not scary!" I mock her and push her gently in the back by rocking from side and side.

"Yeah it is!" she protests.

"No it's not, it's amazing!" I smirk to myself and look down at her. I'm just going to admit it, I really like Tori…

And as if she could read my mind she says "No it's scary. But I like you anyways, even if you are a sadist." She looks up at me and smile. I meet her gaze and drown in her brown eyes, so warm and kind.

"I like you too…"

Fuck sake Jade! But what do they say… opposites attract.

* * *

**A/N: **Get ready for the next chapter guys. It's in the making!

I just want to thank everyone that have reviewed, followed and liked this story. It makes it sort of worthwhile.

So please give me some feedback, I love reading every single one of your reviews.


	16. Chapter 16 - Unplanned

**Chapter Sixteen**

_**[Tori]**_

My heart is racing and I'm scared right into the core and I can feel my body shivering. I don't think that one cup of coffee circulating in my body helps to slow down my heart beats. I don't understand how Jade can watch this kind of crazy, psychologically disturbing movies and still turn out mentally sane (well, at least quite mentally sane). But that only proofs how incredibly strong she is, or maybe I'm just a coward. Yeah, I'm a coward.

The screen goes black. "That's it." Jade chuckles and gets up from the sofa to take her USB.

The parts of my body, earlier warmed up by her body, are left cold. I straighten up and drag my feet up underneath me on the sofa. I'm shaking, shaking like an aspen leaf. I lock my arms around my legs and try to force the scenes of the resurrected girl stabbing her former best friends, and the blood, out of my memory. It doesn't help that it has become dark outside. I glance out through the window and all I see is a black wall. All of a sudden, a girl is standing outside the window with a pair of scissors in her hand. She is white as a sheet and her blank, expressionless gaze is glued on me, I gasp for air and the girl disappears. Thank god, it was only a delusion.

Jade strides calmly back, places herself in front of me and eye me with a skeptical look on her face. She sighs loudly and folds out her arms with a jerky move "You look like you could need a hug" she chuckles. Thankful, I snuggle up in her embrace and allow myself relax in her arms. "You are shaking." She exclaims in a point of fact and tightens her grip as she strokes my back with her hands. Rapidly my thoughts get replaced by a burning sensation that takes over my entire body.

Doesn't she know that every time she touches me she sets my skin on fire? And not only that, she also sets my heart and blood on fire. My veins they burn every time she touches me. Every time she touches me in the heat of a conversation and every time she looks at me for longer than a millisecond. Like fire, my blood runs through my veins and I shy away in chock over what her actions cause me to feel. Her very presence pulls me out from reality and makes my thoughts go iffy and blurry, and I love it. But at the same time I hate it. The butterflies in my stomach are fighting and I think that they have grown stronger.

Right now I'm on fire, I'm literally burning, but no one can see it. The butterflies try to break free with all their forces. One big blast from inside of me and suddenly the cell-doors fly open and the butterflies fill my stomach and swarm around worse than bees. My legs become like spaghetti and I become paralyzed in Jade's arms. She holds me upright as she carefully transfers me back to the sofa. The fire increases in heat incredibly fast and it seems as if there is only downhill from here, and my bike has no brakes.

Jade laughs slightly "It was definitely not that scary." She thinks I'm scared…

I can't get out a word. My whole body has gotten a short circuit. If she only knew the real reason to my strange behavior, if she only knew what is actually going on inside me. I'm scared of course I am scared, I think that I am going insane. I'm terrified because suddenly everything is clear as day… I love Jade. The thoughts I have fought so hard to fight against fill my brain and are now all I can think of they fill my mind and all of my consciousness. I focus on her beautiful, porcelain like face and I find how my gaze flickers between jades perfectly formed lips and beautiful deep blue-green eyes.

She looks honestly concerned as she asks "How are you?" followed by a nervous chuckle.

I just shake my head as a reply. The sudden urge to touch her face, her pale white skin takes over me completely and it takes so much effort to control myself so that I'm unable to speak.

"You scared?" Jade reaches out and takes my head between her hands and look me deep in my eyes. I'm melting and dying. Can't she see it?! "Tori?"

I shake my head slightly "I'm okay." The voice that comes out of me is not mine it is thin and weak.

"Sure about that?"

I nod. No I'm not okay! But what can I say? She doesn't love me, of course she doesn't.

"Okay" She lets go of my head and I follow her hands with my eyes as she picks up her phone and looks at its screen "I'll better get home anyways." She stands up and walks towards the front door. I look at her as she takes on her black leather jacket. I sit in the sofa unable to move… She checks her pockets by patting them gently with her hands and looks around herself to make sure that nothing is missing before she looks up, straight at me. She smiles and raises her eyebrows "Gonna give me a hug?" she looks sexy even without trying- no! What are you thinking about Tori? Control your mind, she is prohibited property… (Not that it helps).

I don't know if I can stand it. But I want to be close to her, so close. So I slowly walk up to her and lock my arms around her waist. Her head fits the curve between my neck and shoulder perfectly and I can feel her soft breaths on my shoulder. I tighten my grip and feel so thankful that she does the same. She straightens herself up but I leave my hands around her waist. I don't want to let her go. I can feel something between us, some sort of attractive force. The desire I have for her grows the longer I watch her. She is magnificent, lovely, caring and has a way of making me feel like no one else can. I'm in love with her. And if I'm not in love then I have a humongous crush on her. Whatever the thing is, I can't seem to let her go. It's so sad, but the reality is that if she would have been a guy I would have leaned in for the kiss right at this point. But the problem is that she isn't, even though her gender shouldn't be a problem. And another relevant thing is that I don't want to ruin the friendship I just won with her.

"Thanks for keeping me company… everything have just been a bit crazy lately." Jade leans in closer and looks me in my eyes and locks her arms around my neck.

She doesn't make my yearning for her any more manageable, she'd better stay away from me or I'll do something I'll regret later… "I'll always be here for you, I promise."

At that Jade presses her eyebrows slightly downwards. Then she smirks "I'll keep that in mind."

I feel her hands around my neck and suddenly nothing else matters. All I can see is her, we. She bites her lower lip. I find how I look at her action, filled with desire. I sigh out of sheer dejection. She is so close to me and still so far away, not more than a few centimeters away.

Her lips, her beautiful soft, perfectly shaped lips catch my attention. I feel how I move closer to her, how I lean in. What in the world are you doing Tori!? A tiny voice in my head tries to stop me. And I want to stop but I can't. It's like something is hindering me from thinking clear, blocking the only stable and accurate line of thought. All I can focus on is her lips, and I can just see how they come closer. Jade stands still, so still. Her breathing slows down. I can feel her warm breath against my skin. There are only a few centimeters between us now and I don't do anything, it's the gravitation she seems to hold that is responsible for everything, for every inch shrinking between us. She parts her lips slightly and lets out a 'oh' right before our lips touch.

Her lips are warm and soft and taste just like I have always thought that Jade tastes. Emotions swell inside me among all of the dizziness as something inside me changes, never to be reversed. My mind settles with my budding romance but I'm terrified that Jade's not buying it. All of my emotions release themselves on me and tears seep down my cheeks. I have longed for her lips for so long, and I haven't even noticed how much I have had a desire for her it until now. But I can totally feel how this is what I have always wanted, her lips against mine. But I have pushed my true feelings away. I have not allowed them to make themselves heard.

Jade breaks off the kiss as quickly as it begun and she lets go of me. She lifts one hand up to her lips, touching them as she slowly shakes her head. She bites her lower lip once more and with a thin voice whispers "I've got to go." Her eyes are blank as if she's on the verge of tears and confusion is written all over her face.

She backs a few steps but then quickly turns around and storms out of the house, slamming the door shut. I stand and look at the door, chocked and a bit unaware of what just happened, waiting for everything to dawn on me. I hear how an engine starts and then how car wheels roll over asphalt. The sound fades away into silence and I slowly stagger backwards.

I just kissed Jade… I just kissed… Jade.

My fingers touch my lips and I can still feel Jade on them. I press my lips together as I drag in a choppy inhalation.

I kissed Jade.

My legs feel like spaghetti and I collapse down onto the floor, rolling myself into a ball with my arms locked around my knees. The tears... they just leak out of me like the Niagara Falls. What have I just done? Maybe I have totally lost my mind… Or even worse, maybe I have lost Jade. Just the thought of that possibility scares me more than her movies ever will. I tremble and I can't control my tears or my limbs. And even worse is that she still has Beck… Tori, you are an awful human being! But I can still feel the imprint of her lips against mine and I can still see her shocked and confused face as she turns away from me. And I can still hear how the door slams shut as she walks out to her car and drives away from me. It hurts, it hurts so badly.

I cry until there are no more tears left to shed. Everything feels so hopeless. Will it ever be the same between me and Jade again after this? I'm not going to survive this weekend.

Scared, confused and uneasy, I walk up to my bedroom. I can't believe this, am I in love with Jade? No, can't be. It's probably just a crush, just like any other. It will probably fade away into nothingness. Numb and like in fog I throw my clothes in a pile on the floor and slip into my pajamas. I fall straight down on my bed and crush my pillow tight in my arms. I press my face into the pillow and sigh, loudly. More frustration wants to escape me. In reality I want to scream but I can't. Not that anyone could hear me if I did, no one is home.

Jade… I need her.

But she has Beck… Beck… I have done something terrible. I have kissed my friend's girlfriend. And if that wasn't enough, the one I kissed was Jade. Jade… the one that can crack me, kill me and totally break me down just because I gave her my heart.

And oh, one small detail, she is a girl…

That shouldn't matter Tori! That is supposed to be your last concern. But it's not… I think that it's one of the biggest I have right now. But I can't ignore the fact that she is the only thing on my mind at the moment, and it's eating me from the inside. The worst part is that I don't know how she took it, the kiss. Will she ever speak to me again?

I hear her laugh inside my head and I see her smiling at me. A shimmering glow surrounds her in my thoughts. I'm not sure if I can live with myself if she rejects me now, now when I have totally given in to the fact that I think I love her. I had predicted that there were no more tears left… I conclude that I was wrong as tears swell behind my eyelids and the burning sensation starts all over again. And down it flows, a never ending flood of salt water.

Please, love me back.

* * *

**A/N: **The first Jori kiss in this story! Tori loves Jade, no doubt. But no one told you that it was going to be easy…

Yay the second chapter I'm uploading within less than a week! I just couldn't stop myself, it just flowed right out of me. But there are still many things to fix between them… isn't it so.

Reviews are as always invaluable. What do you think about the kiss?


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